surprises are always a massive undertaking, first you have to actually think of it...this is an important step...I usually share all my brilliance in one long blurb of verbal diarrhea and then...well there goes the element of surprise...then, after successfully thinking of it and keeping it to yourself, then, you have to plan with stealth and cunning how to pull such a feat off, and this would involve choosing who you trust with the valuable secret because we all know...some people just weren't built for suspense...they are like walking time bombs of secret goodness and although it is always funny to watch others detonate someone elses secret...when it's your brilliant plan being blown up...well, it's just not as funny...so 1) keep the thought in your head till you...2) plan it out with trusted confidants...but...and here is the the biggie...3) you need to plan your brilliance on one of those people who can actually be surprised...seriously...why plan a surprise, have all your friends and relatives walking on egg shells for weeks only to pull it on someone you can't fool...
I have a friend, she is getting married in a few months...so far, out of the 4 showers she has been given, 3 have been 'surprise' showers...she is never surprised...not at all...tonight after the shower as we were rehashing the whole...step into a house filled with people you aren't 'expecting' bit, she lamented that she didn't act surprised enough..."I should have acted more suprised for them, shouldn't I?" she sighed...she was feeling terrible for actually being one of those people who can put together the fact that extended family get togethers don't usually happen on Halloween...poor girl, just be being smart she figured out her own surprise. I would never be able to do that...I would just be like, "oh, really, another family dinner? K. Whateves...free food for me..." (end of my thought process)
But she, she remembers that thanksgiving was only a few weeks ago, and Christmas is a month and a halfish away...unless some major event was to occur why would there be a family gathering? And then she realizes, "Oh, his side of the family hasn't thrown me a shower yet...it must be a shower, on halloween thats unique." Then she walks through the door and smiles at everyone waiting..."SURPRISE!"
"I should have acted a bit more shouldn't I?" she asks..."Yeah, you should feel really bad right now, for ruining their surprise..." I reply
Sunday 31 October 2010
Friday 22 October 2010
the word vomit that is my life...
things to keep in mind when you happen across this prticular blog...
1 There will be random occurances of badly written poetry...it happens sometimes...usually the poetry is a bit melodramatic in nature and sad but definately always bad...i used to not write any of it on the blob but I have found that when I go back and read it after the fact...I don't get it...which makes me laugh...which starts a whole chain of things that I, for now, will leave at that...
2 There will be awkward revelations of one emotial almost 30 something woman...just in case you missed it during any of the previous postings, this blob is not really about issues I get excited about, events in my life, aswering the deeper questions in life...no, this blob's focus is just little old me...and there is nothing more dull than reading about another's littleness...if your waiting for this blob to get any better, don't keep waiting, and best to think of the time you already have spent reading my rants as...time you can't get back. Sorry bout that...So, you might want to consider and prioritize before keeping up with the ramblings...
3 There is a playlist, yup, this is the only way I could get an official soundtrack for my life...certain songs actually go with certain posts...but mostly the accompanying music is not so much for my enjoyment but more towards annoying the rest of you as you read...enjoy:)
4 By reading this blob you will be unofficially involved in a therapy of sorts...mine...unfortunatly for you i am a terrible listener...so it will be all one sided.
5 I just thought that having 5 things would round this out nicely...I honestly have better things I could be doing right now, like studying pharmacology...however, lately I have realized that i should probably warn everyone...it's not going to get any better than this...
so don't hold your breath
or you'll pass out.
1 There will be random occurances of badly written poetry...it happens sometimes...usually the poetry is a bit melodramatic in nature and sad but definately always bad...i used to not write any of it on the blob but I have found that when I go back and read it after the fact...I don't get it...which makes me laugh...which starts a whole chain of things that I, for now, will leave at that...
2 There will be awkward revelations of one emotial almost 30 something woman...just in case you missed it during any of the previous postings, this blob is not really about issues I get excited about, events in my life, aswering the deeper questions in life...no, this blob's focus is just little old me...and there is nothing more dull than reading about another's littleness...if your waiting for this blob to get any better, don't keep waiting, and best to think of the time you already have spent reading my rants as...time you can't get back. Sorry bout that...So, you might want to consider and prioritize before keeping up with the ramblings...
3 There is a playlist, yup, this is the only way I could get an official soundtrack for my life...certain songs actually go with certain posts...but mostly the accompanying music is not so much for my enjoyment but more towards annoying the rest of you as you read...enjoy:)
4 By reading this blob you will be unofficially involved in a therapy of sorts...mine...unfortunatly for you i am a terrible listener...so it will be all one sided.
5 I just thought that having 5 things would round this out nicely...I honestly have better things I could be doing right now, like studying pharmacology...however, lately I have realized that i should probably warn everyone...it's not going to get any better than this...
so don't hold your breath
or you'll pass out.
Tuesday 19 October 2010
time
crate full of thoughts
poured out on the deck
lifted by the breeze
paper memories fly
I'm standing on deck
numb with
the ebb and flow of life
can I have a little more time
to catch you from your flight
to snare your wings
collect your feathers
imprisoning your light
in the cage of my heart
in the bowels of the ship
deep down from prying eye's
I'll keep you here
and just let days roll by
can I have a little more time
because I can't follow too
where sea meets sky
I'm carried by the tide
grasping to keep hold of
the memory of you
in the crashing waves of life
mehh...read on facebook about a friend's page being pulled down, she died awhile ago, but something her mum wrote in response to the news made me cry alittle...a man in my church had a sudden heart attack and died, and then last night a girl who alot of my nursing friends know was hit by a car and died, she was barely out of high school...just kinda heavy when you get hit with mortality and frailty of life...
poured out on the deck
lifted by the breeze
paper memories fly
I'm standing on deck
numb with
the ebb and flow of life
can I have a little more time
to catch you from your flight
to snare your wings
collect your feathers
imprisoning your light
in the cage of my heart
in the bowels of the ship
deep down from prying eye's
I'll keep you here
and just let days roll by
can I have a little more time
because I can't follow too
where sea meets sky
I'm carried by the tide
grasping to keep hold of
the memory of you
in the crashing waves of life
mehh...read on facebook about a friend's page being pulled down, she died awhile ago, but something her mum wrote in response to the news made me cry alittle...a man in my church had a sudden heart attack and died, and then last night a girl who alot of my nursing friends know was hit by a car and died, she was barely out of high school...just kinda heavy when you get hit with mortality and frailty of life...
Saturday 16 October 2010
thought processes
I have been thinking lately, yes, mainly because thinking is about the only free thing left in this world. Also, I find I quite enjoy it, thinking...I think.
As I was saying, recently I have been thinking about coping mechanisms. Or habits a person develops in response to different situations, like test stress. Final exams and midterms and all those horrid things that bring ordinary normal functioning people to the point of hysteria and mental anguish. I used to think that after taking so many tests one might eventually grow this ability to not be overwhelmed by them. I mean practice make perfect right? So I thought. If someone had, in the past, feared such situations by continually subjecting themselves to such situations they would eventually develop this resistance to it and be victorious right?...like bacteria and antibiotics...and in this case one would wish to be the bacteria as opposed to the antibiotics...
anyway...
I thought about how I used to deal with my test anxiety and i happily report that some major changes have been made with regard to this situation in my own life. Although not quite to the victorious conqueror stage, I think my story can still inspire those who have yet to 'master' the stress of tests...
I used to feel so overwhelmed that I would have to do something that would calm me down...like laundry before I could even begin to tackle the test material itself. Sometimes i would even launder clean clothes in order to prolong this necessary step. Then, in order to maintain energy and brain function i would make myself the largest bowl of ice cream that there was to congratulate myself for finally opening my textbooks to study. After eating I would patiently remind myself that it is not good for one's digestion to be too serious after consuming so much sugar and so I would make myself wait even longer before I could finally get some studying in. Eventually, I would study, but then it would be bedtime. One has to go to bed early in order to have enough sleep to think for the test the next day and so the study day-so carefully crafted out-would end with little to no studying done, and even more anxiety upon the next day's arrival. That was how I used to handle my test anxiety...
Now, I find myself much better equipped to handle my lack of motivation to study. I take careful steps to ensure there is no ice cream in the freezer...ever...because you can never be too sure of yourself. Instead of doing my favorite household chore (laundry) as i avoid the books in question, I now do my most hated household chore...I cook, and clean the floors...I hate floors and cooking is somewhat stressful in an of itself to me, in this way I am punishing myself efficiently for my lack of studiousness. i feel so much better about doing this than before when i used to pamper myself with the laundry. But as I cut carrot sticks and place them in the fridge for lunches during the week I realize that I really do need to practise what I preach and from the kitchen window I see the beautiful fall day...I should go for a walk. I know, it's like I'm taking all that head knowledge and applying it in order to get even better understanding of all that I already know about the body and it's need for circulation and ambulation...off I go...some people just study for their tests...i walk for mine..all that blood rushing to my head...eventually i walk so far I find myself at McD's...and lo and behold there's some change in my pocket...I don't plan these things, McD's just happen...they're everywhere. And as I sit with my hot fudge sundae, i think to myself...I am so glad I don't buy ice cream anymore!
As I was saying, recently I have been thinking about coping mechanisms. Or habits a person develops in response to different situations, like test stress. Final exams and midterms and all those horrid things that bring ordinary normal functioning people to the point of hysteria and mental anguish. I used to think that after taking so many tests one might eventually grow this ability to not be overwhelmed by them. I mean practice make perfect right? So I thought. If someone had, in the past, feared such situations by continually subjecting themselves to such situations they would eventually develop this resistance to it and be victorious right?...like bacteria and antibiotics...and in this case one would wish to be the bacteria as opposed to the antibiotics...
anyway...
I thought about how I used to deal with my test anxiety and i happily report that some major changes have been made with regard to this situation in my own life. Although not quite to the victorious conqueror stage, I think my story can still inspire those who have yet to 'master' the stress of tests...
I used to feel so overwhelmed that I would have to do something that would calm me down...like laundry before I could even begin to tackle the test material itself. Sometimes i would even launder clean clothes in order to prolong this necessary step. Then, in order to maintain energy and brain function i would make myself the largest bowl of ice cream that there was to congratulate myself for finally opening my textbooks to study. After eating I would patiently remind myself that it is not good for one's digestion to be too serious after consuming so much sugar and so I would make myself wait even longer before I could finally get some studying in. Eventually, I would study, but then it would be bedtime. One has to go to bed early in order to have enough sleep to think for the test the next day and so the study day-so carefully crafted out-would end with little to no studying done, and even more anxiety upon the next day's arrival. That was how I used to handle my test anxiety...
Now, I find myself much better equipped to handle my lack of motivation to study. I take careful steps to ensure there is no ice cream in the freezer...ever...because you can never be too sure of yourself. Instead of doing my favorite household chore (laundry) as i avoid the books in question, I now do my most hated household chore...I cook, and clean the floors...I hate floors and cooking is somewhat stressful in an of itself to me, in this way I am punishing myself efficiently for my lack of studiousness. i feel so much better about doing this than before when i used to pamper myself with the laundry. But as I cut carrot sticks and place them in the fridge for lunches during the week I realize that I really do need to practise what I preach and from the kitchen window I see the beautiful fall day...I should go for a walk. I know, it's like I'm taking all that head knowledge and applying it in order to get even better understanding of all that I already know about the body and it's need for circulation and ambulation...off I go...some people just study for their tests...i walk for mine..all that blood rushing to my head...eventually i walk so far I find myself at McD's...and lo and behold there's some change in my pocket...I don't plan these things, McD's just happen...they're everywhere. And as I sit with my hot fudge sundae, i think to myself...I am so glad I don't buy ice cream anymore!
Wednesday 13 October 2010
The flight of the Pheonix
I couldn't sleep last nite. I wasn't studying; I got caught up in something that was happening in a different hemisphere. On pins and needles i lay down in bed, although i was exhausted, all I could think about was 33 men stuck 1/2 a mile underground in Chile. I prayed for their safe travel back to the surface of the earth...
Eventually I did sleep but the first thing i did when i woke up was check to see how the rescue was going, and once I checked I got hooked in again. It wasn't because the President of Chile was there, it wasn't because thousands of dollars were spent by a number of countries to build a special transportation device either. It was because 33 men who had been lost, beyond anyones reach...were coming home. And somehow the drama of their story from buried alive to being restored back to their lives made me believe in miracles. There was the 'singer', the 'poet', the 'youngster', the 'foreigner', the 'elder', the 'accidental' miner, the 'runner', the 'leader', the 'writer' who wrote the very first note telling the world they were still alive and someone whom they called 'folklore'. The past two months under ground worked to illuminate these 33 people to the whole world. Today we got to share in their jubilation as they ascended into the daylight. Not going to lie, today i wasn't just happy, I was ecstatic...because 33 miners came out of a mine. Every break i could, i would check reports and watch the slide show of these men holding their wives, kneeling to pray, and raising their hands in joy signaling their victory over darkness. One family member told reporters when asked about the order of which man would come when, it didn't matter, the vigil would only end after the last man was rescued. They were a family...as I watched and waited with the rest of the world for these men to come home...I felt like we were all a part of their family...Over 2 months ago a random mine caved in on 33 strangers. Today the world is breathlessly waiting to reunite father's, son's, husband's to their families. Today was a good day. As one miner said, "Down in the mine we saw God, and we saw the Devil...and God won."
Eventually I did sleep but the first thing i did when i woke up was check to see how the rescue was going, and once I checked I got hooked in again. It wasn't because the President of Chile was there, it wasn't because thousands of dollars were spent by a number of countries to build a special transportation device either. It was because 33 men who had been lost, beyond anyones reach...were coming home. And somehow the drama of their story from buried alive to being restored back to their lives made me believe in miracles. There was the 'singer', the 'poet', the 'youngster', the 'foreigner', the 'elder', the 'accidental' miner, the 'runner', the 'leader', the 'writer' who wrote the very first note telling the world they were still alive and someone whom they called 'folklore'. The past two months under ground worked to illuminate these 33 people to the whole world. Today we got to share in their jubilation as they ascended into the daylight. Not going to lie, today i wasn't just happy, I was ecstatic...because 33 miners came out of a mine. Every break i could, i would check reports and watch the slide show of these men holding their wives, kneeling to pray, and raising their hands in joy signaling their victory over darkness. One family member told reporters when asked about the order of which man would come when, it didn't matter, the vigil would only end after the last man was rescued. They were a family...as I watched and waited with the rest of the world for these men to come home...I felt like we were all a part of their family...Over 2 months ago a random mine caved in on 33 strangers. Today the world is breathlessly waiting to reunite father's, son's, husband's to their families. Today was a good day. As one miner said, "Down in the mine we saw God, and we saw the Devil...and God won."
Monday 11 October 2010
So I went fishing...
I opened up my email to find messages circulating from the whole family about my Dad's father, my Grandpa. He had to be admitted to the hospital. He is sick and so many of us are far away. It was probably the saddest I have been for a long time. I know I am not the only one worried about him from far away, and there is comfort in knowing we all want to be with him...but that doesn't change the fact that we aren't. We are somewhere else where there are no hugs we can share with Grandpa. It''s funny cause I had been thinking about him all weekend, expecting a phone call-I haven't gotten one in awhile so I thought it was about time:)-I wasn't nervous, just feeling the need to communicate with Grandpa. And then all the emails came and I was overwhelmed, helpless, and far far away.
I was still on the farm with Courtney and the B's and Mr. B asked if anyone wanted to go fishing. In my head I was like, now is not the time for fishing! I was thinking I needed a serious wallowing fest where I would be sad and overwhelmed and just really sad...fishing, seriously.
So I went fishing, more than alittle rusty I had to be shown how to use a rod and cast. I thought casts were put on broken limbs...not used to catch fish. But surprisingly I found that although I wasn't any good at it, i kinda liked the rhythm of casting and pulling the lure back in. Once I even caught a stick with my 'no fail' lure...Mr B caught a pickeral...that was an adrenalyn rush and I just watched! But then it was back to casting and winding, and casting and winding. While fishing I remembered how Grandpa took me and Ste to frogs gap...mostly i wouldn't go then either, Ste went more times than I did. And there wasn't much alive in frogs gap to catch...but somehow I thought it was nice to be out fishing and reminiscing all of a sudden fishing was the answer. Chatting about childhood escapades and watching the water seemed to make everything that was so overwhelming before come back into a place that was simple and calm...like fishing.
We ate Sir Pickeral that night and he was really good.
Knowing me, i will get overwhelmed and sad again, probably sooner rather than later...but i hear there's good ice fishing in manitoba. it'll be okay, it'll be alright:) as long as I can go fishing...
I was still on the farm with Courtney and the B's and Mr. B asked if anyone wanted to go fishing. In my head I was like, now is not the time for fishing! I was thinking I needed a serious wallowing fest where I would be sad and overwhelmed and just really sad...fishing, seriously.
So I went fishing, more than alittle rusty I had to be shown how to use a rod and cast. I thought casts were put on broken limbs...not used to catch fish. But surprisingly I found that although I wasn't any good at it, i kinda liked the rhythm of casting and pulling the lure back in. Once I even caught a stick with my 'no fail' lure...Mr B caught a pickeral...that was an adrenalyn rush and I just watched! But then it was back to casting and winding, and casting and winding. While fishing I remembered how Grandpa took me and Ste to frogs gap...mostly i wouldn't go then either, Ste went more times than I did. And there wasn't much alive in frogs gap to catch...but somehow I thought it was nice to be out fishing and reminiscing all of a sudden fishing was the answer. Chatting about childhood escapades and watching the water seemed to make everything that was so overwhelming before come back into a place that was simple and calm...like fishing.
We ate Sir Pickeral that night and he was really good.
Knowing me, i will get overwhelmed and sad again, probably sooner rather than later...but i hear there's good ice fishing in manitoba. it'll be okay, it'll be alright:) as long as I can go fishing...
Saturday 9 October 2010
I'm combining in Dauphin
Ask anyone, I am not the farm girl type...people have thrown around farming terminology for years around me but i still don't know what anything means. Growing up in rural alberta shouldn't be equated with harvesting crops for a living. In blissful ignorance of crop rotation, and general farming knowledge I would just smile when those kinds of converstions came up. This weekend while i am celebrating thanksgiving with Courtney and her family I am discovering the inner farm child that was hiding deep inside of me. When i say deep I mean deep, like black hole in space deep. Not that I am an uber city girl, but I not a farm girl either. I am a, I wish i were one thing instead of a little bit of everything girl. I am everything. No, that's not what I mean, but I do find happiness in lots of different places. And right now, it's happy on a farm driving around in a combine.
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