I cook...BOOM

First things first tho...these are andi's cookies that she sent...well maybe there was only one left by the time I got around to taking the picture...all the food my cuz Wendy has given me since I have been in the 'peg didn't even make it for show and tell...so ya, also i would just like to say I said, semi-off sugar...not off, off sugar...I am not superwoman....
my supper, my supper, so I thought I would put token fresh veggies to enhance the wholistic nature of my cooking endeavors...this is butter chicken with coconut milk instead of yogurt...I am a genius...it was good...also the rice is traditional dining out style Indo rice...as in, you smash it in a bowl and flip it over so it looks prettier...I thought that was yet another steller example of my abilities...molded rice...what next:)

The latest threat...

So, lately I find myself warning people. Because lets face it, people do really funny and random or just plain strange things. Then there is also the touching things they do that just make a person have to blog about it. IF you know me, if you have breathed in and out in my presence, if you tripped in front of me as I was walking to class, you just might make it onto my blog. There is nothing you can do to stop it, to tame this blogging beasty that I have become....needless to say I find my circle of friends small, and as for family they probably just secretly hope that my tendency to procrastinate will get the better of my inspiration at their expense...that being said, my grandma Bailey sent me poems she wrote, I am so posting them on my blog soon...i emailed her to ask permission but that was more like a token, here's-whats-going-to-happen sort of please. My sister sent me cookies and clothes...yeah sis:) See, I can also point out steller things they do too. Lately I have been thinking about blogging about my mothers cooking adventures in singapore...she is cooking chinese food and apparently really good at it (this blogging out about it is probably a subconscious desire to show my inner hurt at not being there to actually eat the food!) I am going to make her take pictures of the food:) hear that mums? There is so much to write down and keep, the moments that make life so incredibly good. Like eating comfort food and skipping work...ummm not that I would know anything about that sort of thing, but I've heard, I'm sure I heard about that somewhere....
Anyway, all that to say, it is high time I stopped being the butt of my own blog...the blob is coming to get you too...so watch out,

also Audra made it through surgery and it looks like she will suffer no facial paralysis so hurray for a good surgery. Now she can start recouperating and hopefully that will go smoothly as well...thanks for prayers.
as for my sister in asia with her kids (member Isaiah) well, they are doing well for the most part, she is teaching them school, and the kids are starting to make friends with the local neighborhood kids, so thanks too for any prayers when he was sick and having fevers that scared the daylights out of all of us...recently, her hubbie got interviewed by an TV crew while he was flying so that was waaay cool...this is the same bro-in-law who got to escort Bono through the Calgary airport years ago, when U2 did a concert in Calgary...seriously he is so lucky...

Raise the roof.

In Haiti an 18month old boy was found this week, in amongst the rubble, a little life among the many dead. Even after so much time had elapsed from the devastation of the quake, he still lived. A miracle. To all us, the watching world, his life is a sign of hope. But for him, after a week of hell, and alone in the only safe place left from his broken world; he had a hard time coming out. The rescuers were strangers, the sky too bright, the earth around him a chaos he couldn't comprehend and so he was hesitant. Fearful. Clinging to the little dark space that had enveloped him when his whole world crashed around him. Until they brought him someone familiar, until a face reminded him of home. Until a voice he knew called out to him, "Don't be afraid, I'm here, your going to be all right. Don't be afraid." Then, and only after his auntie was in front of him, he raised his hands. He reached towards the home that's in anothers presence.
A friend once shared that he taught his grandma to, 'raise the roof', it became a greeting to eachother. A silly sign encompassing the characteristics of their love. While it brought many laughs seeing, Grandma 'raise the roof' (pump the air like a hip hop dancing queen), it was also comforting to be able to let loose and be silly with someone. Home is who you cry with and laugh at. Home is where you run when nothing else makes sense. I have never been good at answering that normal, break the ice question. Where is your home? Usually I just lie, but when i am caught off guard, I can start stuttering around about where my parents live, where my sisters live, where my auntie lives...it's so embarressing. I end up looking a little homeless and the person looks apologetic and bored. But honestly (which ironically doesn't make too much sense saying here, since I just admitted I am a prolific lier), home is my people. they are all over the place so don't even get me started...


i sort of paraphrase the whole haiti story cause we were talking about it in Sunday school and pretty much all crying at what a great picture that is of God. Because when your a fearful person ( not that I am speaking about anyone in particular here) even the sky looks like it is falling in on you somedays, but God appears out of the rubble and mess that has been made, He sees you in your little 'safe' corner and says, "Don't be afraid, your going to be all right. I am here now, so you can come out. Don't be afraid." That makes me want to raise the roof! raise it!:)

One of my 'home's' or should I say 'homies' is going in for surgery tomorrow. Please pray for Audra that God will comfort and protect her during the surgery and that the Dr.'s will be able to make a clean and complete removal of the tumor. She is an amazing mum and her 3 kids will miss her terribly while she is staying in the hospital, so pray for her kids and hubbie too, that as they wait for mum to get better their hearts will be comforted too... if you remember...because we pray to a God who raises little children out of an earthquake.

20% of people break their resolutions in the first day...

but not me...cooking a meal-a-week to some people might be ridiculous to the point of well...not even resolvable but to me this is a big step...because normally if I have peanut butter, bread and apples why cook?...
but here I am, into week 3 and having cooked 3 hot meals that require some forethought, I am very satisfied with my goal. Small as it may be.

I am also semi-off sugar...this is to help with my never ending skin issues...seriously, the epidermis is a huge issue in my life.

other than that I have been doing statistics and feeling very out of my depth. In fact, at work the other day I started having heart palpitations just re-reading the info and trying to study. I was trying to ingest some of the logic of stats and instead almost fainted and got all nauseous and sick just from studying. Stats has become this huge mental burden. I was actually picturing carrying it on my back like this imaginary weight dragging me down to a pile of mud.

I went to Bible Study late the other evening and we all just sat around and chatted for about 2 hours...it was one of those community bonding moments...but even during the conversations and discussions all of a sudden i was overwhelmed with the thought that I am a 'know-it-all'...seriously even on things I know nothing about...apparently I have an opinion...parenting, marriage, engagements, school, careers, Jesus...I found myself speaking up quite frequently (and forcefully) with what I've noticed and seen (basically my 2 cents) then i felt even more awkward as I realized I was being a bit of a talk-a-holic...I wouldn't shut up...at this mental check I reigned in some of my word vomit but once again i was thoroughly chastizing myself for being a social flop...why can't I just listen and not say anything...I think my whole life i have always regretted opening my mouth in dialoguing social scenerios...who really cares what i think about anything...but I do it over and over again like a broken record...

anyway, so this is all to say, you have probably all silently berated the chatty kathy in bible study with waaaaaaay too many opinions for her own good and not even all the info (or experience) on the given situation being discussed...can I please say...have a little mercy...show her some grace...she probably realizes that she is a complete social anomaly but you can't rewind and delete real life...

you know in penelope...the pig nose...this is my pig nose...my complete lack of social queing...and so as penelope was taught to say, "You are not your nose, your nose is your great-grandfather's nose. You are not your nose, and your nose is not you." (something like that)

I am not my word vomit...my word vomit is a disease that I unfortunately succumb to once in a while (ok alot) but my word vomit is not me so i am not my word vomit...

The past 24 hours...

I went to work with no expectations and ended up having a great shift. Sang the whole walk home. It was only -12C and I was in fine form, I thought, I am figuring out this university life and feeling like I can do this. I love my life.

Then in a meeting with my student adviser about applying to go to Korea and random things. I find out that my heinous university of lethbridge grades will always count against me. They will always bring my GPA down. My nursing schooling is looking like a big fat, NO. I hate my life.

I then go straight to statistics class and half the lecture goes right through my already full brain. How can he talk about this when life is going on. seriously! I still hate my life.

I decide to write my parents the venting email of death and call Linds to commiserate with me. I find a way to make the email somewhat hysterical and funny (all at the same time), and Linds says, "Who cares." she still wants to go to nursing school with me so I should still apply. I love my life.

I send the email and hang up the phone and put on the Killers and start really contemplating whether I am human cause I know I can't dance...I hate my life.

I decide to cook the one meal a week because after all my day can't really get any worse than it already is. I make Beriyani and it turns out. This is a miracle of sorts...I cook edible food...who knew... (no smoke alarm...bonus points). Thank you Nate... I love my life.

I can't help but give in to the massive pity party of wondering what the last few years are going to look like on my overall track record of being a bit of a freaking-out, emotional, over-analyzing, mess up...this brings me to the dorms snack time where I ingest massive amounts of icing and carrot cake. I hate my life.

I wake up this morning and get an email saying my grades won't count against me after a certain amount of time elapses. I won't have to continually pay for my past GPA. I can at some point apply for nursing with my new and better GPA. I love my life.

Grandpa calls me to say, "Hi, and how's your health?" as grandma would say:). I love my life.

I go to statistics lab thinking that I have to get an A in this class if only to prove that I am university worthy and I can do this school thing. And I get there and realize I have to learn Chinese to understand statistics...or some foreign language that logical people invented. I hate my life.

I work out after lab with my roomy and get a massive influx of endorphines and positive thoughts start seeping into my pessimistic little brain. I love my life.

the end

New years resolutions...BOOM!

Ry, You think your camera's are so cool heh?!!!! Well, I have to admit here and now that I did suffer some serious camera intimidation while I was there...if you want to send me some of your nicer pics i would luv to have them...nice jacket..."hey, is that dads?"
I made them pose many times on the couch and took copious amounts of pictures...mostly i just watched them laugh and joke and have fun together...
Christmas brunch...the start of one of the nicest christmas seasons ever!!!!
the loooooooooooooooooong wait to open presents...because first we all recited Luke 2 and I could feel the boys anticipation of getting to the presents and also the eternity of waiting that 16 verses is when your 3...
This is how I was viewed by my sisters 4rth child...this look never left his face unless he had mum around. I tried my hardest to win him over but all i got was this...*sigh*

okay, on to the post...
I resolved to cook an actual meal once a week this year...I started yesterday...I set the smoke detector off...I was frying bacon because *sigh* I wanted to start with something easy and needed bacon for a salad...thankfully the fire alarm didn't go off, but as i was madly waving oven mitts in front of the smoke detector, I was also picturing how I would look, explaining to the firecrew that I had just been making a salad...this year is looking a bit demoralizing...

Also i still want to run a half marathon, but after Christmas hols I am down to 2 miles on the treadmill...

thats about it really, only 2 big goals...morale is alittle low...I got my grades back today and B seems to be my lot in life *sigh* the probability of going to Japan or Korea to teach english is becoming more and more serious to me as the plan for next year. Nursing is looking like it has to wait another year for multiple reasons that seem super important right now...bahhhhhh the other thing I kinda had to face as last year ended was learning to be realistic with what I want to accomplish this year and what I've already committed to in my day to day life. They don't match up so much all the time. *sigh*

Random, Another great quote from the hols was from Steve Davis, said something about 'being very aware of his social energy' and can I just say, I think I had a bit of a light bulb moment...it was all of a sudden like someone described exactly how i feel in certain situations...and can i just add that if there is no reserves in the social energy tank...it's just not happening, there is nothing sometimes and so i just have to be 'by self' as Dad would say...

Top 10

10. Bif Bif Beef!!!! Kor

9. Baaaaaad Juju. Krissie

8. Are those Dad's? Jack from Darjeeling Lmtd

7. You've got to be kidding! Charlie

6. I don't feel guilty. "You can't take it with you"

5. That fondue went straight to my cheese. Ryan Enns...at 29

4. Uncle David came in and went like this (makes a fist)...Ryan Enns at 3...

3. Mr. Booger died. Kor

2. Well, I'll be the last person to say I'm funny. Everyone knows I am not funny. In fact, I am great at killing a good joke. Uncle Ken

1. I think, pausing and in a gentle voice, you and Carol just like to laugh. You laugh to laugh...
Uncle Ken

Here's the thing, uncle Ken is hilarious....I never knew he had it in him. Pretty much me and auntie Carol were on the floor laughing at his rendition of how he can kill jokes...He said, "First I get nervous, and then they (the listening) get nervous for me, and sometimes i forget little parts of the joke, but I have already started and by now I can't go back...then I look at their faces (NEVER look at their faces!!!!!!!!!!) and by the time I get to the end, it's not funny anymore". This convo all came about because were were discussing who is the funniest of the Cornie and Kay family ...and I thought me and auntie carol should rate a little because together we are always laughing but aparently we just love to laugh...we laugh to love...we live to laugh and love it...I guess we have no taste in humor cause we find most things funny...even if we don't get them... so I guess Ryan and Suz are the funny's with Chrissie coming along quite nicely...hmmmmmm

I luv Hockey

I am here in Lethbridge watching hockey with the cuz...and he tells me that someone posted a porn link on my cold post...seriously????? what the???????
this world is going up in flames people!
anyway sorry to all you out there who clicked on the link...and also to the people who posted it...SHAME on you!
Shame, Shame, Shame!!! I am praying for you and hope that someone truly loves you...also if no does, then I know someone...Jesus loves you...so don't despair...

for elizabeth

when you are old and gray and full of sleep,
and nodding by the fire, take down this book,
and slowly read, and dream of the soft look
your eye's had once, and of their shadows deep;

how many loved your moments of glad grace,
and loved your beauty with love false or true,
but one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
and loved the sorrows of your changing face;

and bending down beside the glowing bars
mumur, a little sadly, how Love fled
and paced upon the mountains overhead
and hid his face amid a crowd of stars.

-Yeats