maybe....

recently a brother of mine posted about social justice...and the fairness of God...he ended his post with fairness is ours to make...which really threw me...really. seriously threw me.

social justice being man made efforts to solve a God sized problem...I got that part...but the whole fairness is ours to make...was a HUGE jump for me...i mean i get social justice is flawed...he did have a lot of meat and good stuff in between the whole jump from social justice philosophy and fairness in ours to make. but it was the one-liner at the end....maybe i shouldn't get fixated on the non-meatier parts and go back a few paragraphs...

but fairness is ours to make...still thinkin about that one...

the soundtrack for the past few years

First year of nursing school when I was still trying to get in....well I went back to the 80's and early 90's...

Tina Turner
Whitney Houston
Mariah Carey
The Pointer Sisters
alittle Aha
Micheal Jackson
Weezer
Toto
Keith Green
and some 70's Simon and Garfunkle
and of course chicago...do not know why I love that group so much but literally chicago has always been something I will listen to....super ashamed. but yeah...release it....:)

Then in Second year I decided to get alittle more currant with some Adele, Killers, Brandon Flowers, The Fray and Snow Patrol, Mika, Robyn, Sonic Flood but still Chicago reared it's ugly head and all things glee oh and...alot of classical music....Rachmoninov and Debussy being some of my ultimate favorites but I do like Wagner, Liszt and Schubert too...but I really do like Rachmoninov....
I think at this point I thought I was getting smarter and could actually become a really amazing student...

Enter 3rd year...not a great year for grades...but a great year for much even musically....I discovered Ellie Goulding, and Bassment Jaxx has a remix for everything....ps when your writing papers and memorizing...you don't need alot of depth....just beat...so enter new favorite song Adele's cold shoulder remix....but for some reason during this time I had to go back...I had missed out on the whole U2 craze...but this was when I became an official U2 junkie...and CBC radio one...or is it two...well anyway I played it and listened to all the eclectic music it offered. Oh and Fun....on repeat....lots of repeat

And now...year four...I am not quite sure what I listen to anymore...but today I was feeling well...ragey...and well...on went the u2....Where the streets have no name....empty ragey thoughts of hate toward all things school...and now I am bawling...to end off with alittle soothing liszt so I can actually study and go to clinical ....not crying...why do I cry you may ask...because. thats my answer.

I want them to know...

I want them to know you take pride in keeping crazies out of your country. I want them to know you sometimes (well, actually really most of the time) enjoy inspiring a little fear in American's hearts every time they meet you. I want them to know you have a huge soft spot for anything family related, you have somehow finagled your wife to care for the dog you can't part with. I want them to know your the only person in my extended family who has stood up to my oldest sister and you have the African profile head to prove it! I want them to know you like vinyl records, and graphic novels and you coach your kids soccer teams. I want them to know you pray with your kids at bedtime and you eat something called rachlette. I want them to know this as they care for you not as a room number, type of cancer or gendered nameless person....but as you. the # 1 cuz.
But if they don't I know you. It won't change all these things that you are! and I also know you won't make it so easy for them next time they drive up from a down under shopping trip...oh no, a little pay back might be in store:)

words

the other day i was telling a doctor something and said the word peeing. apparently doctors don't understand what peeing is in relation to illness and in medical terminology one must say voiding. I was chastened and realized that when I talk to professionals I must use professional terminology, and then conversely, I have to make it understandable to my patients by using lay-terminology with them.

deep down inside me something rages when things like this happen.

I rage because I wonder if the medical profession really thinks they can distance themselves from illness and death by putting a new name to everything. dyspnea. don't say he can't breathe, say he is experiencing severe dyspnea.

I don't care how you should say it, just help me fix it.

but then I realize I am supposed to understand this new language to it's fullest extent so that I can see how things are happening in the body at a clinical level...and I grow from being ragey to terrified. because, soon they are going to set me free on some ward somewhere and tell me to be a professional....not simply study for a test, observe the real professionals or get someone to watch me do something so i don't mess up. No...in a few short months I will be it. I will be the one as they used to say ...way back...in the philippines...so here I am getting ready for my last rotation, the night before I start....freaking out about how I am probably going to talk about peeing and pooping instead of voiding and bowel movement...