who bakes?

today has been lessons in life with a family on the go...oh and I met Lily! Lily Kay...sweetest baby...

anyway, I learnt that parents spend a whole lot of time running for kids...school drop off, school pick up...soccer drop off, soccer pick up...choir practise...up down, in out...always on the go...then at the end of the day there is baking muffins for daughters class...

much to do and still there is time to talk... topics of the day involve,

hey do you have an iphone yet?

why don't you have an iphone.

You should have an iphone like me...then someday you can have as many apps as me...

I have sooo many apps...

I love my apps....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

in my defense.

I phone...I have a phone, it's old...but not an iphone...

to the backdrop of Micheal Jackson...we are baking cupcakes...I am mixing the flour and eggs to 'beat it'...sooo appropriate...

so I can't ipone...but ibake...and that is enough for right now...thanks A for letting me help...ps i went to bed before icing and sprinkle session...

the boys

well...I am visiting the the boys...Bo is a bit sick today so there have been many tempurature checks, visits to the doctor, calls to the pharmacist, Andi asks what I think...and then calls the pro's:) Being as today they were all planning on heading to the zoo and that didn't work out...the boys have taken it really well...they LOVE the zoo...but of course they love me too...Lige and I had a discussion about talking to others when we feel like bursting so other people don't have to read our minds...we actually had quite a nice conversation about conflict and feeling emotional...in some ways I feel like he is learning the same things I am...wow, when did he grow up? Korban drew me pictures of monsters, and told a story for everything he did, then came up at bedtime with a animal print mumu on, apparently it's what royalty wears in India...with Korban there is alomst always some sort of pomp and ceremony...then Sim ran home with me to get the bread out of the oven and entertained me this afternoon with his ability to push all his brothers buttons...he is pure genius...but I can't encourage this in front of his parents...that would be bad. Laz killed me at least 6 times today, I do feel the love, he refused to give me a hug goodnite but maybe tomorrow I will tackle him down...like all good aunts do...I love watching him smile, mostly cause I have to work so hard to get one...and when he does I feel like the heavens have opened and I have done something right with my life. BO even smiled once at me, I was quite impressed at his socializing skills with a fever of +38C...went to see Grandpa and there is a possible chocolate fundue coming up...quite the full day.
Oh, I know I am visiting andi when...I saw some tupperware containers on a kitchen counter with what looked like chocolate cookies in it...I was babysitting so thought, "Andi won't mind, I'll just sneak one while the boys aren't looking so I won't have to explain it to Andi later...just a little pick me up for me...cause I am so good like that." Well, turns out those chocolate cookies were rocks and the containers are for the pet frogs the boys have aquired...never assume anything at Andi's...it could be a creature being raised by Elijah...
but the day will end with fondue so I am happy now...as long as those containers stay closed and out of my room...I will sleep well tonight.

today

i cleaned my room...it was ubber dirty...then I painted my nails...oh oh I vaccumed ...i don't even know how to spell it cause I don't really like floors...i find them essential but unnessessary to clean...ever. Then I tried on my dress for my roomies wedding...i also drank water, and took out the trash.
i didn't think about school, about how it controls my life and i am a prisoner to it...I just enjoyed my day off...and you just waisted 2 minutes of your life reading about it...nope, can't take it back...gone.

what a mess...

I will be the first to admit that I am not cut out for sales...it's just not me...sometimes I wonder if it's cause I'm not outgoing...that people intimidate me is a definate minus...or that I don't trust that I can offer advise and input stylewise...or that fact that I can't talk people into doing anything I want, I am not very convinsing, I hesitate alot, I fumble for words, I blank, sometimes I can't even win me over...or maybe, maybe it's cause deep deep down I really honestly think they'll be just fine without any product from the store...

my current manager really worried that I wouldn't hack it...she made me her special case and never failed to remind me how to sell, sell, sell...only recently do I have her approval but it's been over a year...she told me I grew into sales...I personally don't think so, I think I have just learned to fake, fake, fake my way to being in retail...people buy things, there has got to be someone behind the till to ring up the purchase right...well, right now it's me...

anyway retail is ubber high turnover...no one stays...but here I am, the unretail, retailer...staying...ahhhhhhhh I just told my boss I would take on more responsibility in order to get more hours over the summer...mostly I said that cause everyone is quitting and I feel sorry for her...I had a mini panic attack today thinking about becoming some crazy retail managerial person...why do I say things I don't mean?...why do I say them to my boss?...I feel like I just sold something...myself...for way too cheap.

why?

today i went to church. Linds and Andrew took me, church is pretty great. Easter is even better. Easter Church is the best. One of the speakers spoke about how he always signs off any sort of communication with...because He lives...he said it was inspired by the song, and always reminds him that he can face tomorrow...because He lives.
So I started thinking about signature sign offs I have known through the years, my uncle James 'blessings', or 'in His strong arms' from the armstrongs...and 'loving Jesus' by the bro Yase...and wondered if I should start one of my own...
and for some reason all I could think of was, alive...i think you can buy a drink called 5-alive, there is a song called 'staying alive' (which is what you sing when doing cpr) but whatever you add too it, there is nothing like simply being alive. Recently death has been such a presence in my life, knowing that family I love are dealing with the process, also I study diseases, I research all the possible ways the body can shut down (which for me and my propensity to see the negative gets alittle melodramatic sometimes), I also work with people who are very sick...so sometimes when I look around all I 'mentally' see is the ending of life. It's the perspective I filter alot of life through right now, I don't see dead people, but I do seem to view everything through the event of death. Maybe it's cause I learn about death alot, last summer it consumed me cause I had a class assignment on planning my own death and health directives I would want...who does that? to me it felt like some sort of ancient torture technique, where every class your reminded to think about your imminent death...
For that reason, Easter made me so happy today...excited...because my future profession, and where I see life happening right now isn't always about life, I am even more excited about Easter than I have been for awhile...I don't even need a giant easter egg hunt, or chocolate egg, I did however receive some fabulous plum jam...why am I so happy? cause Easter's about the death of death...and I haven't contemplated that as much as I should have of late...cause of Easter I am...alive:) death isn't the end of anything, just moving from life, to life...
then I found out that one of my xboyfriends just got diagnosed with advanced cancer...and I thought about death again...I really hope he doesn't die for a long long time...I hope he gets to see his baby thats coming and another one or two more...as much as I am celebrating easter...and standing on promises...I hope he doesn't move on to that other life quite yet...he can just stay
alive.

it's a mad mad world

today i found out I got a B in clinical. B. It made me soooooooo mad. i was furious actually, haven't actually been that mad in a long time. I am okay with not being book smart, fine I can get bad grades on tests...but in clinical I sweat blood. and a B just doesn't cut it. Man, I am still mad just thinking about it. My roomates let me vent, and call the grader a dooche bag...I was going to do a dooche bag dance but realized inventing something that would remind me of this moment is ...stupid. so I didn't.
Then my roomy made banana muffins and there were no chocolate chips in the house...my other roomate ate them all...we do that alot to eachother, eating eachothers food without asking and trying to replenish it later with no one knowing...usually it works out okay but today there were no chocolate chips...for some reason I found that so funny, I started laughing and couldn't stop, pretty soon I was on the kitchen floor laughing at the tale of banana muffins sans chocolate chips...it's not even that funny, and the floor is really dirty...I think the B was just too much for me.
then on the news there was a shooting at a nursing school in California...kinda scared me a bit...cause I was pretty ragey this afternoon...school is kinda a horrible pill that does not go down easy...and it makes people angry... for some reason, it's viewed as the thing to do in this world...why?
if I never see the letter B again I will be happy...
then mums phoned and told me that A's are book smart, B's wannabee A's and C's change the world. I luv my mother.