why?

today i went to church. Linds and Andrew took me, church is pretty great. Easter is even better. Easter Church is the best. One of the speakers spoke about how he always signs off any sort of communication with...because He lives...he said it was inspired by the song, and always reminds him that he can face tomorrow...because He lives.
So I started thinking about signature sign offs I have known through the years, my uncle James 'blessings', or 'in His strong arms' from the armstrongs...and 'loving Jesus' by the bro Yase...and wondered if I should start one of my own...
and for some reason all I could think of was, alive...i think you can buy a drink called 5-alive, there is a song called 'staying alive' (which is what you sing when doing cpr) but whatever you add too it, there is nothing like simply being alive. Recently death has been such a presence in my life, knowing that family I love are dealing with the process, also I study diseases, I research all the possible ways the body can shut down (which for me and my propensity to see the negative gets alittle melodramatic sometimes), I also work with people who are very sick...so sometimes when I look around all I 'mentally' see is the ending of life. It's the perspective I filter alot of life through right now, I don't see dead people, but I do seem to view everything through the event of death. Maybe it's cause I learn about death alot, last summer it consumed me cause I had a class assignment on planning my own death and health directives I would want...who does that? to me it felt like some sort of ancient torture technique, where every class your reminded to think about your imminent death...
For that reason, Easter made me so happy today...excited...because my future profession, and where I see life happening right now isn't always about life, I am even more excited about Easter than I have been for awhile...I don't even need a giant easter egg hunt, or chocolate egg, I did however receive some fabulous plum jam...why am I so happy? cause Easter's about the death of death...and I haven't contemplated that as much as I should have of late...cause of Easter I am...alive:) death isn't the end of anything, just moving from life, to life...
then I found out that one of my xboyfriends just got diagnosed with advanced cancer...and I thought about death again...I really hope he doesn't die for a long long time...I hope he gets to see his baby thats coming and another one or two more...as much as I am celebrating easter...and standing on promises...I hope he doesn't move on to that other life quite yet...he can just stay
alive.