walk of shame...

there are moments in a persons life when they have to step up, and take one for the team...be the one...go out of the comfort zone...and buy toilet paper. Toilet paper runs are rife for innuendo and teasing from the grocery store and the 4 blocks back to the house afterwards. First, it involves finding the cheapest, yet soft version, of toilet paper-which unfortunately, and I think they do this intentionally to add to the discomfort of anyone buying it, is the largest package of toilet paper. The toilet paper is so massive you can't fit it under your arm properly without having it slide down your hip and legs as you walk around the rest of the store trying to look like you have other things to buy and carry home...but who are you kidding really...you can't even handle the toilet paper.
Then you have an epiphany and grad some milk...milk is always good...but this forces you to now hug the toilet paper to your chest as you wait in line to check out. You pick the express lane because the name somehow conveys that you can end this embarrassing episode somewhat quicker by choosing this line than another...not express lane...unfortunately for you, the person in front of you decides that they are going to argue the price of a product with the cashier right then. "It was on sale!" they say absolutely. "It's not coming up in the computer on sale." the cashier responds. "I saw the sign!" the customer yells back. "show me where you saw it," the cashier and customer stroll off leaving you...all alone, standing half-way into the main ail, hugging your toilet paper. People are walking by, the 'slow line' is progressing quite rapidly...and then the customer and cashier return discussing the company policy on placement of sale signs..."You should put signs below the product to advertise the sale." the customer bickers, "The price was hanging over my item, of course I would think it's advertising what it's touching, you should give me the sale price for being so confused by this company and it's inadequacies!"
and on it goes...until finally it's my turn...the milk is pretty much cutting off circulation to my fingers by this point...but I am sufficiently appeased that I have covered my toilet paper run with a milk run (in the cashiers eye's i probably just picked up toilet paper cause it was on sale...right? of course right!) and then she gives me a bag for the milk and tells me to have a nice day...whAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
"ummm, excuse me," I am floundering here, don't want to be too demanding or seem needy and embarrassed..."can I have a bag for the toilet paper too?"
"It's kind of awkward...to hold" I mumble.
"That toilet paper doesn't fit in our bags. sorry" she replies.
What kind of place makes bags too small for toilet paper...it's a conspiracy...I don't say that though...I just think it.
"well, uh, thanks." I mutter in misery.
I grab the bagged milk, which now no one can see cause it's in a bag! Then I grab the mammoth sized toilet paper package into my arms like an old friend I am hugging...who am I kidding I am not a hugger...this would be awkward even if it was a person... but it's toilet paper...great.
I start walking fast through the parking lot and make it to the crosswalk...the light turns green I have to wait. Then i bolt across the street once I can, excitedly wondering how fast I can make it home only to have to inform myself.
"People are looking at me."
Yup, me with my giant toilet paper, running...thats not subtle at all...so i slow down. I walk. And the blocks turn into days...by the time I get to my front door it been 7 years of hugging a toilet paper roll... I drop my burden to the floor like I've been burned once I'm in....glare at it. I hate toilet paper.
the end.

on a happy note...my roomies are all quite happy with me.

a bit melodrama...

yesterday my roomie came home kinda sad, I asked her how her day went and she told me that one of the staff's sisters passed away today...she was in her 20's and around 3 weeks ago she was given 3 weeks to live...she died almost to the day of that prediction...we were both kinda shaken up after that...just kinda sad...the heavy kind.

today my dad sent me an email from someone who is contributing to Ste's scholarship fund...it was basically a normal email and then he added something about my bro-a joke-that made me laugh....next thing you know I am sitting here bawling...

and then I decided to do something about the heaviness (and why am i crying, seriously!) ...I am going to pray for that girls family...normally I am kinda callus about these sorts of things...or I send these in an email to my Dad cause he will pray...and I know his prayers go straight up...I decided to send my own wondering, wandering prayers up...even though they are a bit heavy and don't reach as high...

Guess What?

You just lost the game...


hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

bucket

also partly cause it's friday the 13th...

the news reported that the world was going to end May 21...this came as a surprise to me. I was not informed or given this exact information of the world's imminent end until the 'breaking news' flash...but apparently some people know that the world will end...on May 21...we'll see...but in the meantime, as much as I am justifiably sceptical about this date being the actual end of the world...well...me and my roomies all agreed that it did make us think. Think about what we would do, if we actually thought the world would end...in about a week.

here are some of the things I came up with...


wake up like always and sit in my sunroom with a cuppa 'cept have my Dad there too

play a game with my mam...probably more than one...

eat satay

wear really high heels...the ones I never buy cause I am kinda tall anyway...the highest heels...HIGH HEELS

eat nasi kari....in indonesia

ride the bus and pull the bell at every stop...hahahahahah...(yes I am that annoying)

make my neices and nephews recite all the things they have learnt, make them sing, make them read to me, make them play a game with me,

visit Grandpa...hold his hand just for a little...he has nice hands.

take a walk with my Dad and sisters and see if my mam can be persuaded too:)

do "the firm" kidding I would not do the firm or any other type of physically exausting activity

eat rice and curry

go to a church where they sing hymns and sing and listen and sing...(good hymns, the classics)

go to a birth...

not go to any of my summer classes...

get a tattoo...

but since I don't think the world will end on May 21...well this week doesn't look half as exciting...

new house

someone stole our garbage container...i have to pay the city to get a new one and guess what...I have to pay a huge fee to get it delivered if I don't pick it up...why the fee? they come to my house once a week anyway...so chintsy!
I had a nightmare last night about bringing the garbage container home with me. on the bus. and trying to fit it throught the door and then having to put it where mums park their strollers. people staring and maybe even secretly wondering if that how I carry my baby around...in a garbage cart...then I had to check and make sure that there really was no baby inside it. only to open it up and find an elephant inside that blew snot at me before I could shut the lid...and then I woke up...

the other day, my roomie texts me as I am sitting at home (safe?) on the computer..."don't want to worry you," she starts out. "but how are you?"
seemed a bit strange to me...so I text back..."I'm fine." la la la ignorant of what she is talking about
"do you see police cars? are the cops still there?" I read next...

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I run to the window, all is calm, all is bright..."What are you talking about?" I text back...now satisfied she is making a huge mistake and texting the wrong person...

"there was a drug bust today down the street from our house-it's on the news...u ok?"

Not anymore. But deciding to brave it up I text back, "I'm fine."

today I smiled at the nurse coming home from night shift as I caught the bus to school...she yawned and smiled back...

my neighborhood is way cool.

When someone is kind to the ones I love...

the other day I attended a fascinating lecture on the mind-body health connection put on by a Dr. in his lecture to a faculty of nursing students and their professors he not only explained his views of the biopsychosocial connectedness in illness; he also brought in the fact that in the medical profession an average Dr's appointment is between 5-15 minutes. I already knew this, but I didn't know that much of this is because of how a Dr is paid...basically when a Dr spends more than 15 minutes with you they are giving you more than you are giving them. I thought of the one Dr I know who has come the closest to dissolving my irrational fear and terror of Dr's and then I thought about how much time he spent with any of my family members that went to him...mostly my nephews but he even took time for my Dad...and I realized I do miss those days in the hills hospital so much, talking with nurses and watching them care for people...emulating them (they are alot of why I am here)...and also the Dr's rounds when i would nervously prepare myself for saying..."good morning" as quietly and quickly as I could or heaven forbid be stopped by the Dr as he would talk about day to day stuff and ask how I was doing...how was I doing? I was terrified thats how I was doing...but I lied and would try and have a coherant conversation with him...not really sure how those went...I can't remember them, I was terrified. now that I think back...I am so thankful for those moments of pure terror, I am so grateful for being shown that yes, Dr's aren't so scary...well most are but a percentage aren't (I'm told) and then a very special few are most definitly some of the kindest people you will ever know...I have the priviledge of knowing one of those Dr's...it's hard to know how to describe how much this Dr's example went towards preping me as I approach 3rd year clinical and working more closely with Dr's...I just know that I needed to have those moments of terror and he needed to be the kind of person he is...

I don't hold out much hope of meeting too many Dr's that are like him, but I do know that I won't be as terrified to give any Dr report because of knowing him, I might even ask how their doing...

thank-you for caring for for my family.