parentals, prayer and other p's

I was going to talk about life but I think I'll just focus on prayer for a bit. When i was in the Philippines I used to just pray Jesus name during the births, there wasn't much time to say a bunch of things and no one could really understand eachother with the language barrier so i would just say Jesus name over and over in my head as I pictured the movements of the baby going thru the birth canal and saw the mother's pain and tiredness as she reached nearer to the end of labor. I kinda got into the habit of just not being able to express myself in a situation, i just had to call on Jesus name. It is kinda weird but I think I just grew uncomfortable with phrasing what i meant and how I felt and eventually I felt like I couldn't say anything at all. Not that i think praying Jesus name wasn't effective or meaningful, but I lapsed into this, attitude of well; He is Sovereign over it and will do what His will is in every matter so what am I to talk about. But as time went on i slowly realized that I wasn't saying much of anything to God. Circumstances, a wee bit of bitterness and some serious frustration had alittle influence on all this too...it's almost as if thru all my trying to help people less fortunate than myself, I came to see a much darker person inside of me. Not the helper I wanted to be but a kinda proud little fleshly human doing her Christ like duty out of fear. It wasn't pretty, i wondered how people ever actually help eachother, or do they simply use one another for their own need to be needed, important or special.
So back to praying, this thought process was kind of all going on but how do I tell God that what I see in this little part of the earth that I have influenced is mostly darkness and me adding my own baggage to the mess around me. I mean, I am no great light giver, and my motivations can certainly be second guessed in alot of cases. All the ideals of being this great helper, touching the poor with selfless love....come on, I could barely make it through a shift, then get on public transportation to the nearest starbucks. I don't know why I think of starbucks as the root of all evil, it was a big theraputic escape for me while I was in the phils though.
Well, the other month I attended a little dedication at an anglican church, where they pray other people's prayers...and after 6 months of not being able to pray to Jesus anything more than, Dear Jesus....
I prayed someone else's prayer for a little baby girl. I almost started crying at the front of the church, I mean the words were far more than i had considered for this little baby, but they somehow tied me to God and her by just speaking them. So I decided to go back to Psalms and pray David's prayers....it has been a good month of discovering that while I still don't know how to approach God with all the different paradox that is life, sometimes I can stand in someone elses footprint and still be heard. And it has also been comforting to hear some of the confusion and frustration that David went thru too.
So, I don't really know where I am going with this, but this lesson has been a very good one for me, my faith is not big enough to address God in every situation that I have had to face, but God is big enough to show grace where I have been much afraid. So I just want you all to pray today, use words, silly, simple small but true. Express yourself to the One who loves you.

Terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day...

IT was wednesday...but I'm still not over it. I had to go for training in a computer course in the middle of a blizzard and today I tried to apply some of my new found knowledge....apparently I'm dumb.
Anyway, mostly what was horrible about my day is that I realized I have major anger issues and I need to not get so angry about things...I need to be more the letting go person and not the...what I can't have it-fine-I'm just going to smack it silly or say bad words in my head...yup, I have anger issues...

anyway I think I didn't learn as much from my training cause I kept counting how many times my instructor said "dollars-to-donuts" and "you-really-have-to-hold-your-tongue-right"...

in the wise words of Judah Davis....I hate jobs...I hate computers, I hate details....

update....

weather......-10 and blizzard like conditions....yes, in April.....

family......my parents moved into the basement with me and we all live in my sister's families house. Can I just say that I think this is a talent of my family; to be able to live under the same roof for prolonged periods of time. I think our motto is, when the poop hits the fan, the Enns' do laundry. Speaking of which mum is downstairs doing laundry right now...I am anxiously awaiting my turn. Like I said, we're a talented family.

communication.....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

school.....moving right along.

banquets.....I went to a banquet (theme was Narnia) therefore it qualifies in the update! I went with John Beady a guy I work with at subway....the first girl he asked said no....so there's always me:) Anyway, was having loads of fun until they brought out dessert...3 jujubes that they told us to pretend were turkish delight....LAME. but all in all, it was a really good banquet. Oh, me and John dressed up as Peter and Susan...in little school uniforms-we were very cute-and he brought me sudway cookies for dessert which turned into a wonderful thing as soon as I saw the 3 turds they put out as dessert....yes, I'm alittle choked.

And that about sums it up...oh work.....I work alot.

the firm....mum is here so we are exercising....my poor gluteous maximus.

ill

this is just to let everyone know that I am feeling very, very ill...
I have a cold.
but I feel so rotten that I thought I would beg for pity and blog. My head is huge and my eyes are read and my nose is drippy and I feel very, very ill...
in other news, the boys are all sick and I have been babysitting them...yes, I blame the boys...as cute as they are as much fun as we have...their germs have attacked me. poor, poor me.
I know, I'm a martyr.
.......
that was me getting a tissue...
and this is me saying, I am very, very ill.

My little shit and other news....

I know I have a bad word in my title but hear me out...it's funny enough to justify it a bit. So there is this lady at work who just got engaged to someone she's been dating for 3 months...she is a nurse so she is used to finding humor in all kinds of areas and situations but I kinda thought this went a little too far...apparently, her pet name for her man is..."my shit" it stands for:
sh-shopper
i-in
t-training
I got the joke, but I feel like too many years of wiping other peoples bums have colored her view of appropriately funny...because I think calling your man a shit in times of anger would not necessarily be meant as ahhhhh, "Our first pet name for eachother". I think you would mean it very literally at that moment...
So anyway, was talking about it with a friend and the humor just got the better of us...we had long laughs about our shits...
so when I finally do get a ring on my finger and tell you that I have a shit...try and understand I am in lala land and have no brain...
for real, and for the record...don't think shit is on the pet names list EVER...
also part of this blog has just been the necessity of being able to be passive aggressive about my desire to 'say' shit...
oh, I got accepted to Mount Royal college for nursing...I am on the fast track of becoming locked into singleness...what is more single than nursing...maybe being a secretary...oh, already doing that! I really don't think it's because single girls have this great need to leave their mark on the world or make a difference...I think it's basically because nursing is a bankable job...and being single you may not be alot of things but you dang well better be bankable...no brother in law is going to have to build an on-suite for me....ooops...already doing that too.....DANG!