to be good

a very long time ago, when I was much more wide-eyed and wonderstruck by life, when i still had big dreams, when I could do anything...yes, back there, in childhood...I skipped over an important lesson wanting to get to the adventure of adulthood. I guess I thought little children should dream of doing great things, and being passionate people, changing the world, so missed a whole section on a little something called good.
I think the lesson itself was called, "How to be good". I wouldn't actually know the title of the lesson since I didn't learn it, have no notes on it and certainly failed the test. You may wonder how I actually got to the point where I knew I was missing something, if I am so oblivious to it, well... Sometimes when i watch my friends live, I wonder to myself, why did they do that? Where did that come from? Sometimes I get flashes of inspiration from the tone in their voice, or when they do something that doesn't really even compute I just watch them and think (flash, flash, flash...) I should know this...but I don't. All those flashes die away like a firework as i contemplate what in the world just happened. I think because I get so caught up in inspiration and bright lights in general I find the smaller, finer details of life, like goodness alittle, well, mundane.    
The definition of good (according to a random website I googled) used as an adjective is, that which is desired or approved of, as a noun, what is morally right...You will hear people say they want good health, a good doctor, a good deal, or that a good pair of jeans is essential to life. I always thought they were using good in reference to something else all together. I always thought they just wanted a doctor, a deal or a pair of jeans...but if what they desired was goodness, then owning a pair of jeans isn't enough, it's whether or not you can rock those jeans that matters:) And what about people, some people believe the world is full of good people. Other's believe that the world is just too full:) And still others believe that the world is full of people who can be good...ummm, this would imply that they originally are not, that goodness is something to be found outside of simply existing. It is here where I am stuck, out in the cold as it were, bemoaning the fact that some people could very well be good, but I am certain not one of them. Ironically, often when people ask me if I am okay, I always reply, "I'm good." which once again proves the fact that I have no idea what good actually means since I don't even use the word properly...and I shouldn't be writing about something I know nothing about, and use incorrectly...but this blob is a journey...as I stumble along my adult life which, shockingly, isn't quite what I expected as a child i keep running into it. The good. That small word that comes before so many others...I think, forgetting about goodness, impacted how I viewed life. Life became an accumulations of goals, things, a pile of rubbish. I swallowed the lie that everyone just wants a life, no one wants to look unattractive or undesirable, get a life! The excuss for not doing so many things is, "I have a life." but now I wonder, is it any good? Which brings me back to this lesson I am starting to learn. "How to be good."  I am on unit one, wondering why God saw all that He had made, and said, "It is very good."