today I am not ready for to write my new years letter yet...

I know, I only have a few more hours...in some places in the world, I don't even have that! I am already late, but here's the thing, I am still not ready...I just don't feel ready...let me clarify this feeling, it's not the feeling where you are avoiding an unavoidable tradition, it's not because I am sick of writing these letters and want to start a new tradition, it's not because I am tired of writing, it's not because of any issues with the new years letter, other than the fact that the new years letter, my letter to Jesus, means just that...a new year...another 365 days of complete blanks that I will fill in as i go...another grand adventure some optimistic soul would think, well, an optimist I am not...even on my best days you couldn't stretch me into an optimist...the glass is still never full...and if it truly was full you wouldn't be able to lift it and drink without making a huge mess and spilling on yourself, or perhaps you might dribble it down your chin as too much drink comes out all at once and look like you need to revert back to sippy cups-while those around you contemplate your complete lack of basic abilities to function...and so the new year is like that proverbial cup, I am letting it sit there, unsure of whether I am capable of drinking it properly...if it even has anything in it...for all I know it could be empty...that blasted cup.
So....here's to a new year that i am not ready to welcome, a letter I can't quite write yet, an attitude I never got the hang of (being positive) and everything I lack...maybe it's cause i always wish that the new year would be kinda magical, the coming year might be full of promising things that tranform me into something better, as the days go by and time flies I somehow 'become' into a better version of myself, like Cinderella with the beautiful dress on and her own coach of magic mice men... the script gets more exciting...unfortunately, all to often, i feel like the writers gave up and somehow I have to do everything improv...can i just say, I am not ready for improv (however you spell it) I am not ready to adlib my way through another year...and I want a fairy godmother already! so, that cup is just going to have to sit there for a few more hours, I am just going to stare at it for a bit...