hummmmmmmm

I can be alittle irrational sometimes, every now and then. It's like the compass of common sense all of a sudden just becomes this whirling dervish of chaoticness...there is no rhyme or reason for it, it's just something that happens to me...sometimes...

Like when I was 8 or so and my mum made pizza with mozzarella cheese. I remember sitting at the table and looking at the pan of pizza and thinking somebody just threw a bunch of goop on top of tomato sauce and meat...seriously, it was like a big lugee on a perfectly good pizza...I had this intense feeling of disgust and fear...disgust because snot is kinda that way I think everyone would agree and fear cause my parents were going to make me eat it...I remember them trying to convince me to eat it, using persuasive language, trying to make me think that it would taste good...telling me I had had pizza before and not acted that way...but I would not budge.
I knew, deep down inside of me, down to the bottom of my toes even, that I did not want to eat that pizza. I got so scared that night I had a nightmare about mozzarella cheese chasing me, trying to smoother me in a goopy, gelatinous, dairy death...to this day I can still remember the feeling of horror as that cheese was coming for me...and sometimes when i see mozzarella I still shudder involuntarily remembering that nightmare from long ago...

here's the thing, even then i knew it was ridiculous to be afraid of mozzarella cheese, I still was...it was overwhelmingly terrifying for a moment in time...and I just couldn't do it...it was not the time to eat mozzarella pizza...

all this time i still wonder why that happened? What was it all about? Why couldn't I stand the cheese...so frustrating...irrational me.

lately I have begun to think that that confounding childhood incident was good...it helped prepare me for the rest of my life as i continue to do things I shake my head at...although I am not proud of being the girl who is afraid of mozzarella cheese, I am realizing that as ridiculous as that is...well, it just is. The things I do don't always make sense, sometimes I am a mystery to even myself or just a frustration...but if I could explain everything that would be no fun...so I just laugh a little...sometimes alot...usually really loud and ironically enough I currently really love pizza...and cheese...mozzarella is still my least fav cheese though...but you never know...it could change too