Perfect vs Reality

Perfect:

summer classes + part time job

South Africa + the babies

Korea + teaching kids + adventure = fun


Reality:

full time job or any job, just a job,

weddings ( thankfully not mine)

who knows after the summer... ( those three dots symbolize terror, fear and more terror)

These last few days have been me being a spazoid. I went from planning and planning and making things work for me to a conversation with my amazing friend shirley that went a bit like. "Are you running away from a hard situation? Are you being honest? Where is your committment? Do you know what God wants." Right, I had said I was going to committ to what God is doing and how He is working instead of asking for permission afterwords (or is that begging for forgiveness) and I also agreed to work on being honest with myself and asking the hard questions. Oops, i forgot about that. What to do. What to do...which brings me to today...and those three dots of doom.
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what does this mean for tomorrow?
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what does this mean for today?
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I hate this...