I gotta feeling...

Some people think things through, other people feel their way...it gets complicated when people can think and feel I don't understand either the thinkers or the think/feelers, usually I end up astonished by how they followed instructions to get to where they were or used some sort of rational method of getting by...I don't do rational. I just feel...this has caused some meandering and wandering as I muddle through life. But I can't seem to shake my feelings. I would love to be one of those people bound by duty that can just dig in their heels once they know something and go full tilt...I am in awe of them actually...because while I can get very attatched to many things, I find myself confused by all things, which I think, has lead to a sort of weaker ideological system. I mean lets face it, that old addage is true, feelings change.
Sometimes I rely on my feelings so much even rational arguement can't budge me...I won't leave examples because only family reads this and you can probably already think of one...okay, some, several...okay stop.
There are good things about going by feelings  (you wish you could get in a discussion with me at this point but this is my blog and only my voice is heard...I fell good about that:). For example being taught something on paper of how to do it, and then being in a situation where you are actually doing it...is different. With this in mind, I have tended to look on books as sort of an other universe, that alternate reality where I am still me but I can fly as Dwight Shroot would say, but in reality I am just me. Books are an unnattainable reality.
Nursing is very by the book. It is very un-me ish...and I find myself regretting that I don't believe in bookdom. I find myself attempting to fly, but totally not feeling it. Cause seriously, who flies?
Follow the instructions, go from A to B, count up from 1... There are people who can know something, and thats all they need, they then do all the right somethings 'cause they know that is right' because everyone likes to being right...right?
And then there are feelers, 'I don't feel guilty' (Andi thats for you) so maybe I am not wrong, the book says it's right, but I'm not feeling it...
and then I kill a patient...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I have a test on wednesday...it's a pass/fail demonstration exam where I have to do EVERYTHING by the book...(cause the book is always right) right now, being a feeler is a very bad thing, especially when I don't feel like studying...