lately...

My mornings have been a shock to my sleep system. I have never been one for early mornings especially when they don't stop. My days have just been full. So, as i finish readings and work on writing assignments i am always thinking about the next morning. It's coming so soon, and then when it does, when that alarm goes off...I always get up right away-because I've done the whole roll right back over and then never get up again-literally the first thought that goes through my head as I sit on the edge of my bed is...man i hate this day. I really mean it too...
Seriously, sometimes I wonder about myself...I mean, somewhere, way back when, back when i was still young I used to enjoy getting up. but now, I sincerely hate every moment of the first ten minutes of my day...
this has been a very heavy burden to bare...I mean, i am supposed to be happy and love Jesus and want to learn nursing but for ten minutes the sky really does fall right on my head...so i thought I'd share it with you all...you know, on the worldwide garbage dump of words...

BUT...
after the initial black hole passes...things do get better, I still wonder what i did to deserve the pain of having to wake up so stinkin early...it's not like I'm popping out children and bringing it on myself...

oh, did i mention that i told my Grandma B about my blob and she wrote back and said I was really wordy...thanks grandma...

also as to the previous post...funny story...well, kinda lame but...i was wondering if I should even post cause it could be seen as morbid, to always post a remembrance post on certain days since Ste's been dead a long time...I thought, maybe I should just let it slide...but then i started thinking about what I would post for Ste, if I did actually decide to post something on his birthday... I'm thinking and thinking...about a post I might never post and working through idea's of how to be creative...and that's how the whole...what if I could just have coffee with him, what if we just met for a moment and then I would go back to my life and he would go back to heaven kinda came about...here's the funny part...I'm am not writing it down, I am lying in bed-thinking about this post-start bawling and bawling cause my post is so good (in my head)...I mean I thought the most amazing post(it's making me cry)...and I wasn't even sure if I should post it...
eventually I did decide to post it, didn't turn out as good as that post in my head...that one was genius...it would have made a criminal cry it was so good...but when my Dad wrote that he was in his office crying at his computer screen as he read my post...I was so happy that my post made him cry.
the moral to this whole blurb is that sometimes really sad things are actually really funny. Cause me and Dad defo cried our tears over two different posts...but one very loved boy. Thanks for crying Dad...