2 more days and I leave.
2 more days and life just goes right on...
2 more days and I still have to figure out what to do next...
2 more days and I'm done...
I am starting the "what did I do right" list and "what went wrong" list in my head right now...it's not the funnest part of being me...thinking...but my mind makes these little lists and I find myself standing up against them trying to measure up. And right now I am failing miserably. I think i am madly trying to justify myself in my experiences here. In my accomplishments and struggles...do I really have to feel good about how I left things? no...thats my simple answer I guess.
I don't have to feel like I conquered or kept communication open and relationships simple. Right now I want to be anywhere but in my own skin, you see this person has alot to answer for. Is there anything meaningful coming out of this? Do I even want this? Is it worth it? How did I do?
well, personally, I think i fell alot and somedays didn't even get up-
How did I get here. Where am I going? What is my problem?
The bible says the end of things is better than the beginning, so why do I hate good-byes...I avoid them like the plague! And why does getting to the end of something always make me want to take it all back and start over again. Why does ending something make you realize it was never yours to begin with?
LIFE!
so soul searching is not my favorite thing but I find myself doing it over and over again...and I know grandma is praying for me so I don't even need to worry about all my worrying-
good-bye old me,
whatev...Jesus already knows this about me and His mercies are new every morning...even if I am still sitting in the same skin right now-someday thats going to be new too...here's to heaven, and eternity and getting out of this old thing and being made new.
3 comments:
oh man. there's so much there. so much to work through hey?
well i support you in spirit. i'm glad you're making the effort, and i know it's not easy.
the answer in the end is that YES it was worth it. maybe it wasn't glamourous, maybe it wasn't very fun, maybe it seems small, or like we failed too much. but in my opinion, it was worth it, mia.
i'm glad for the time we had, the changes it brought in me. the introspection it brought too.
so - want Jesus, and don't worry too much that you are again asking what's next! -K
hey mia, i hear ya! my advice, try scrapbooking...you spend hours and hours looking at all the good times...all your friends, the mom's you were with, the babies you held. i found it very theraputic. you see all the smiles captured in their perfect moments and slowly all the crap is a little bit harder to retrieve from the depths of your memory. you're amazing!
oh maria, you hate goodbyes b/c you're an MK, that's why!! :) you wanna avoid it b/c they're hard, they're painful, and your life has been full of them. :( but it actually helps a lot more if you take time to be w/ those ppl & at those places that meant so much to you, to say bye to everything & everyone, to take time for it all. even tho it may seem hard, you'll be glad for it in the end. :) and "think destination" - think abt where you're going & be excited for those new opportunities & growth! :)
luv ya hon!
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