Living the dream....say what again?

So devo's today was Heb 5:8, that though Jesus is the Son of God He learned obedience thru suffering...even though He is perfect...He learned obedience thru suffering.
I think I'm slow, why haven't I caught on? I'm this perpetual little kid who thinks that someday we all get our wings...one day I won't be a worm anymore; I'll wake up a butterfly. Ever since I was a kid I've thought that if Cinderella could go from a chimney sweep to a princess someday all of us will shed our worminess and become dancing fairies of the best fairytale variety. I always wondered when things would reach their perfect balance, when prophecy and fulfillment would meet. I kinda thought it would happen in this life, you know, when i grow up.
There is enough scum in this world, my current neighborhood is a picture in contrasts. A tin shed built up against a walled compound with a mansion inside. Down the street children play with no shoes on. The local playground is the garbage dump. And when it rains the sewage infested streets become the local pool. Our landlords have been to Hawaii and California, New York and Calgary even; but they never walk outside their gate...otherwise they would be recognized and then become targets.
So as a kid I knew that when I grew up if I did the right thing I would always know that certain satisfaction of ...well, of doing the right thing...right? Well I'm grown up, and I'm just a grown up worm, I am constantly confused and easily swayed, I still can't see where heaven and earth meet up. I haven't seen the suffering of the poor be eased with $ or awareness programs. Life is still this confusing mesh of people, relationships, dialog, miscommunication. And the dreams of the 'once upon a time' turning into 'happily ever after' seem pretty silly. They seem childish and out of date. Yet here I am...
I am living and breathing the smog with pregnant ladies, I am trying to communicate over skyflakes and coke. And I still look for signs of wings. As we painstakingly sign thru a homevisit and try and 'talk' about husbands and families and prayer requests with our hands, I wonder where eternity comes into all this...or if we reach out to it?!

so maybe I am asking you to bear with a childish dream, a silly old fairytale and my being here really won't change the course of humanity as we know it. Maybe I'm even making things more murky and complicated by being here and how I conduct myself. but I still think that I don't have to imagine our wings...I just have to learn to wait for them. And if all this came to nothing, and really I just wasted my whole existence searching in all the wrong places for a piece of fairytale. Well, by that time, I'd have wings and you'd have wings and we could talk about and admire them for at least a couple thousand years before you remembered to ask if i really ever did make a difference.
not that I don't want to make a difference...but i think that phrase is a little over-rated right now...I'm not an answer to anyone's life economically or spiritually, but i can be with them, i can hope for them, I can witness their worminess and we'll laugh about it. Hopefully alittle here and definately when we have our wings.