confession

i am going to skip church tomorrow....

justification...

3 midterms next week....

how do feel about next week...terror comes to mind

on a side note, my school is really into Evolutionary creationism...and here's my 'almost' problem with that....if we just evolved how are we any more special than the rest of creation ( the whole made in the image of God fixation)....and here's what my school essentially believes...we aren't...bottom line, in a nutshell, I truly see that my school thinks that humans are a part of a greater whole, a unique part but no more integral to the general story line than say...ummm a fern... In fact this week was the anniversary of Darwin's birth and also the publication of his book, can't remember the exact name at the moment but that apparently was why my bio prof was speaking in chapel this week....because it is a milestone week in scientific communities all over the world...they party apparently, and he said he was going to one...(I wondered what people who spend more time with virus, plants and specimens all thought a party involved and then I stopped wondering cause I have no clue)
Also in the school student union run paper, they ran an article completely shredding a providence seminary prof who argued that his brother (born with a severe disorder) who could not communicate and also could not use his arms or legs, gave value, beauty and meaning to the nuns who took care of him, because he was made in the 'image of God', serving him and the value of his life, being more important than deforestation issues or whale rights...
Anyway, I can totally deal with the fact that the earth was not created in a literal '6 days' but have had trouble grasping the whole...where do people fit into the whole scheme of things as far as hierarchy of importance (common, we all know that life is a big scale of measurement)....and then i start thinking I am a total 'lamb' and follower without any brain of my own cause as I look at 'man's greatest weakness it usually gets back to a pride issue...of thinking we are more important than eachother, of placing our needs above others, but what about grass and rocks and trees?????
Party line...God sent Jesus to save us from our sins, he wanted a relationship with us, but if God is big enough to save me and my chemical imbalanced-ness...than wouldn't He be big enough to make say, rocks and trees praise him too? It seems to come up alot in psalms and in Job, I was kinda reading over God's questions, my fav right now is "What is the way to the abode of light? And where does darkness reside? Can you take them to their places? Do you know the paths to their dwellings? seriously who puts light away...that is such crazy thought... I am just thinking about this lots cause it's a reality here at cmu...and anyway, one thing the textbook said about evolution is that it is sort of a hypothesis of how things relate to eachother, by their structure, function and right down to how scientists study each organisms specific DNA ...the word that stuck out to me is relationship...cause it seems to be a big word in christianese circles but used only between people...cause apparently we are the center of creation...we were wrong about the earth being the center of the universe...but how do we relate to the world around us, where do I fit in my ecosystem? basically all this has made me think of things from how little I respect grass to the amount of garbage I contribute to landfills and do I maintain stuff I already have or do I just throw it away and get something new...(the latter of which is so much what I do...it awful how much I pitch)...anyway, I am just thinking, so I thought I would think it all over the blob...thinking over...
and I am still going to skip church tomorrow...

Since I can't be Sparticus yet...

my prof forgot the microbiology quizzes at home today so i don't know my mark...yes, this is awkward young bio prof, whom I might add i am so over right now...the whole school is so in luv with him cause he is this evolutionary creationist and there was a whole write up in the school paper about him, he's sharing in chapel tomorrow, he is MR popular and all i really needed from him was my quizz...I felt like going up to him and making him feel very retarded( even though he has a PHD) for forgetting the quizzes at home...but I didn't and I am going to count that as my good deed for the day because right now there is not a whole lot of love here...nope, over it!
In other news I went to 7 lbs with a girl on my floor-yes I made a friend...family, have a little faith already....and I went downtown another night to go hear a band play at a pub and it was the wrong band so we left and went to moxies...i am a party animal what can I say
I ran into an MK with Janz team who of course knows everyone I know from the European part of my heritage...took 2 months, longest time of anonymity for me yet...
I got a job and earned $25 in tips for working 6 tables...because I was actually feeling the love that day, just not today...for money i can be quite loving...maybe if said bio prof would pay me for forgetting the quiz I would be more loving towards him...because lets face it, I know I am motivated by money more than i should be...
I am getting sick so i slept all day yesterday, and then was up all nite, so now I think I am feeling even worse today...but I still worked out and I will count that as my moment of discipline today...
also in micro I found out that deoderant, detergents, and antibacterial soap are building up toxins in my system and basically are a two edged sword...what they help they also inevitably kill....but Oxygen is killing me so really breathing is what gets us in the end...
highlight, it was -5 at one point this week and I was walking outside enjoying breathing...
lowlight, the whatever groundhog saw his shadow so i am condemned to more of this insanity of winter white madness...
the boom box in the washroom has over played poker face by lady gaga, so basically I feel like whenever that song comes on the radio anywhere i have to pee...my life is lame...

Life

I've been to church three weeks in a row...so weird...but very nice. I go to an anglican church called St Margaret's...we drink wine almost every sunday and I like the teachings and liturgy, we chant, we pray communally and then the choir sings...it's very beautiful. This week we learned about 'the perfect craving of belief' in a world where belief is not believable anymore...
also awkward prof in biology decided to dress up for class the other day in a suit jacket, but he forgot to trade in the khaki zip off pants...and then he spoke about his old scottish prof and decided to impersonate him as well for us...so then he was speaking in a scottish accent for awhile...it was quite awkward...it was hilariously funny...but I only laughed inside my head alittle
but after talking to linds I think my prof is fashion forward, her chem teacher wore a shirt with the periodic table on it-the first day of class...
speaking of awkward conversations, sam the jewish guy who came to church with us the other week, well, he doesn't really want to come to church with us anymore...but he was on the bus when linds had just gotten on after a particularly stressful day in chem class and when he found out she was having a rough day he asked her if she wanted a hug! On the crowded bus, with everyone being abnormally quiet...sam, sam, truly if you met him you would understand. But if you met linds you would understand even more of how awkward this event was-and linds being the true honest person she is-said no. On that crowded bus, with everyone 'listening'...basically this story leads the way in all famously awkward moments of getting to know people and being in a new place that seem to be happening right now.
I went to a Vesper service and heard a woman named Elation play the most beautiful music on her violin...
I went to the bank and walked home because it was only -3...
I lost my coat...and then found it.
I went to floor meeting where we discussed the reoccurring issue of plugged toilets on our floor-this issue is apparently an old one-which I was somewhat grateful to think it hadn't started in the new semester (right when I had gotten to school-awkward) but then I had to ask why? Why does it seem like every dorm, floor or community house I live in we get the toilet issue? Why does my life revolve around crap?
but mostly I was thankful that it wasn't me...
I have my first assignment tomorrow... and then a bio quiz next monday...I am already nervous.

winterpeg

i feel like we look like russians

trapped in siberia...

i didn't know this picture was being taken...linds and I go on walks at -29 or -12...today was thankfully the -12 day...I am really not in siberia, but it is siberian weather here...the other day we had the disctinction of having the coldest tempurature of all the provinces in canada...true story

nutrition fyi

Isn't is weird how talking about food for a 3 hour class in the evening can make you so hungry you will be snacking for the 3 hours following the class because food is, fascinating, to say the least. My nutrition prof is probably the most soft spoken man i have ever had to strain to hear for a 3 hour time period (I realized this after going to biology with awkward advisor this morning and feeling like the whole room was echoing with his voice-the same room where last nite I felt like I should invest in a hearing aid).
Besides the fact it was making my ears tired and giving me hunger pains, I found myself completely fascinated by the different ways nutrition affects life and how many ways it is incorporated into healthcare in general. Did you know that GP's (general practitioners) only get 20 hours of clinical in nutrition? Or that sugar affects our serotonin levels and actually acts as a calming 'drug' if you will; I found that fascinating. I guess Prozac is used to release serotonin and calm depressed people down. But I kept thinking i should probably just eat a chocolate bar the next time I feel like I am in the depths of despair.
Basically, although the prof said that nutrition cannot solve the problems of the world, he did explain quite vividly how the lack or imbalance of proper nutrition has certainly contributed to many of the problems of the world. And afterwards I got to thinking, maybe if everyone ate a chocolate before they made any major decision in life they would be a bit calmer about the whole ordeal and not freak out quite as much. Or maybe I am just talking about me, but i still think it might be worth an experiment for some top secret government plan and of course limitless funding to try to achieve world peace with chocolate...I would be a willing participant should the need arise to serve my country in such a way.

And then there were 4

So far so good, i got into another class which bumps up my course load to 4...hence the title for this post...but first a summation of the first days here. I live on a floor where they have named the bathroom and shower stalls, so far I shower in Kierkegaard and pee in Aristotle...I don't know if they think this will help us get smarter-something like listening to Mozart when your pregnant to have a genius baby-whatever it is, I could use all the help I can get. The heater decided to break last nite and so for 4 hours my room got gradually colder and colder, the whole dorm was freezing, and the residence director was almost to the point of making us camp out in some warmer building for the night...thankfully at midnite the boiler was fixed and there was much sleep to be had.
Because the dorms have an open door policy with the mens residence across the hall there are a steady stream of boys at all hours on my floor. This is quite new to my dormatory experiences but so far has been quite manageable.
Today I went to biology, I guess I had it in my head that my teacher would be an older biology geek with a silver beard and much wisdom with an eccentric sort of presentation. In fact the guy who walked in to teach is probably one of the younger faculty carrying his apple computer and it gets funnier in that most of our topic in class today dealt with reproduction. I know, i was like, no matter where I go, it's all about babies. Not that he wasn't a geek with an eccentric way of presenting the material, or that he had no wisdom, it was just weird to see someone closer to my age than i am to the student sitting next to me, teaching me about the definition of species and the ability to reproduce. It looks to be an interesting class with the potential for hilariously awkward moments.
I gave myself the tour of campus, all but the gym...I tried to find it but got intimidated with all the jocks in their offices and so left that for another days adventure.
PS, In orientation for new students i was told to find out who my advisor is and to go introduce myself to that person, punch line; biology teacher...yup, like I said looks to have the potential for awkwardly hilarious memories for me and of course you all cause i will share my shame on the world wide web...like a shamelessly, shameless mennonite....today our conversation went sort of like, hi, I was told to introduce myself to you...your my advisor...congratulations to you ( I didn't actually say that) and then we were both at a loss of what to say. He asked me to sit down, so i did (he is my advisor after all) and then welcomed me and gave me a shpeel about being there for me...and i said I have nothing to really talk about yet, but I will remember that he is there for me and then I left. Touching actually.
and thats all for now...

They are all 12

I now live in a place called 'friendly' and so far I have found it to be quite true; my amazing friend Linds and fam are friendly, the bus driver is friendly, Adelia my advisor is friendly, Justin the 18 year old student is friendly...I also go to an 'innovative' school; waiting for the bus in -30 weather was innovative for me, so was buying a wire for my internet connection, as well as going to an anglican service this morning with Sam the jewish guy who had never been to church before...hopefully some of both the friendliness and innovativeness of this place rub off on me.
The other fact of my life is living in dorms with all the freshmen...and yes, they are all wondering just how old I am...I can feel them start counting years when i say I've graduated from college before and gone on missions etc...and all of a sudden I feel menopausal...yes, I do feel a bit old at 27 when they give me that look and say-you don't look that old! But I am.
I start classes tomorrow and hopefully buy books and a bus pass and get my resume printed and organize my existence and then calm down a bit after the snow settles.
Weather wise it looks to be -28 with a wind chill of -40's all week...should be exciting...