freaking out

fact: girls attitudes and moods swings according to something we hygenically call a 'cycle'
true:sometimes it can be any random week and yet we still live on a cycle
honest:there really is a strange magnetic force out there making me this psycho
life:sometimes aggrivates this cycle
responsibility:to eat chocolate and coffee during any moment of the cycle of a girls life
fair:i think it's perfectly fair of me to freak out and blame everything on said cycle because after all we are the one's who have to birth the baby
reality:is that girls are far from passing the stable, calm and predictable test


what i see right now, a man taking his dying wife for her smokes every four hours and wiping the tears out of his eye's as he wheels her outside and watches her enjoy her last comfort. Wheeling her back to her room and putting her in bed and crying on his way home after spending time with her.

i think the kite runner is making me totally mellow and emotional about relationships I see right now. My grandpa celebrating Grandma's birthday without her, sleeping without her, making coffee without her, watching us pack up her things. The fact that life is so stinking mundane and then one day you wake up and realize you can pull a thread of your life together or have to watch it unravel, powerless. Or saying goodbye.
I think that whole part of life is awful, the goodbye part. Hearing the mother's talk about taking their kids to college in the next week and how these tough nurses are almost crying with all the goodbye's of letting go.
i hate goodbyes...