This is where...by the Wailin Jenny's

"This Is Where"

The wind howls 'cross the ice floes
Send the frozen snow skimming
A river on a river hardened over
It doesn't know the way it's going
Is it north or south or westward
It just glides across the shoreline 'til it's over

You came for me in fast forward
On a claim for something ordered
A way through and past the history that held you
I'd tell my own story through you
Tell it loud to never lose you
A moth caught by the flame it could not measure
And there we go again, wishing something bolder
Trying to push and pull inside this moment
Trying to mold this life within our hands

This is where the whole world keeps on turning
This is where we come undone...undone

Will they measure me by branches
Count the rings and take my ashes
Mark the ground where I fell and carry on
Or will we bite against the silence
Fill our days with noise and violence
Not recognize our hearts when we are done

There we'll go again wishing something bolder
Trying to push and pull inside this moment
Trying to mold this life within our hands

This is where the whole world keeps on turning
This is where we come undone

We don't know where it's going
Is it north or south or westward
It just glides across the shoreline 'til it's over 

 

Sometimes, well maybe it's just me...but I think I have been to clesses, and sermons where the Holy Spirit was likened to the wind...thats why i like this song...

this moment

this week was FULL of moments...the one where I sat down to take my test, read the first page and wondered, did i go to this class? did I read this textbook?...the one where I stared at the IV pump flashing 'downward occlusion, downward occlusion' stared at my patient, then back at the pump, back at the patient..."maybe you should check the tubing"...right. nice. some people can be a student without looking dumb, I am not one of those people.
there was the moment I accidentally made a really, really crude joke, right in front of my clinical instructor who started laughing so hard they couldn't talk for awhile...then I had to keep apologizing after realizing how it sounded, which brought it up again and again causing laughter...again and again...very un-professional.
the moment I decided to go to sleep and my dad called, then my roomate started singing a song for her fiance, she had also been practising the past couple of nights leading up to this and then...at 11 last night decided was time for singing...
and now, another roomate has fallen in love with meatloafs "I would do anything for love" so I hear that on replay...all day, until she goes to sleep...
and now, there is the moment where I realize it will all change soon, my roomates are leaving me in a couple months, I have no summer subletters so far, and have no idea what/where I am living in the fall...so I am having a little me moment
such is life...in this moment.

prayer

today is st.valentine's day...
where love is on everybodies mind
usually it's romantic
but today, for me, it's Jesus'
loves you and me
and Jesus love is bigger than pain
so in this agape love relationship
brought about by an all knowing
all-seeing, eternal, life giving
One.
I would just ask for prayers for my uncle
He knows which one

How many?

How many of your Dad's co-workers ask you what you want for your dad? How many people ask you what you want for your dearest people for that matter? How many people are concerned with not just getting to retirement but how you do once your there, and what your going to look back on...

My dad constantly apologizes for the things he hasn't or can't give me...but it's what he has given me that I want to write about.What I learned to appreciate about him...is his vision. I get to watch, understand his journey through life as an adult, dreams and visions and goals he has...he communicates so well, and wants me to know how he is doing...he may not evangelize the taxi drivers, but he does evangelize me, just by the way he lives... I know I have needed it.

then there is that other thing... because he is my father and I am like him, well...I worry...he worries, i worry...usually it's about everything, sometimes for me...about him...

So the other day, I was talking about ministry (my Dad's) worrying for him and wondering if he was worrying about his ministry too...wondering if he is happy, wondering if he is fulfilled...and then his coworker, and friend...asked me what do i want for Pap's...and I realized I don't actually want my Dad to just ease through the next few years, or carefully transition through ministies...Da, I just want you to love where you are, to see the potential and also bleed through the mundane...I want you to get so caught up in what your doing that it's hard to leave, I want you to leave it all on the feild...and then...whenever it's done...you can wonder in your funny way, how it ever happened to you in the first place...

Mostly I was touched by your friends care for you, and then I just thought I should blob to you:) thank-you for the more...I want that for you too...

my roomies

I told them I would blog right now...as we speak...this is my life...when all of us are home, it's supper time, and we aren't sequestered in our rooms with homework, fiances, or youtube...

"Was the timer on?" s                  As she is boiling her supper on the stove...
"yes....why?' j                            sitting at the table and looking up from texting her fiance
"I just turned it off, sorry, sorry, sorry," s                     super apologetic and moving very fast
"It was at like 5 minutes, I can reset it for 5 minutes..."s             resetting the timer
"thanks"j                           still texting...
"ahhhhhhhhhhhh...I am making yam fries..." j                 pretending to be annoyed, but still texting...
"Your making yam fries?" s           slightly awed by the inspired dinner choice of fellow roomie
"I luv you this big...banana, bananananana..." s           happily vocal and preparing her own supper...
"Say something Jenny." me...for a moment things were quiet so I had to make cnversation...
"Why? don't blog me, you can't steal the words out of my mouth..."J  still texting but quite witty at the same time...
"Oh that's family milk..."J...she moved over to the fridge to announce this to s who did not know that we (m and j) thought we (me s and j) should share milk now, since we all drink the same kind...saves $...
"Then this can be family juice, help yourself." s always excited about saving money and loves to share
"Thanks..."j   back to texting
"I luv you this big." s  still quite happy, singing
"this big." s  echo...
"I know, I know," m  J comes over to see that I actually am blogging our entire conversation and is stunned...
"Your funny." j  impressed with my skills:) (actually I think she just said it to make me happy)
"You really are blogging everything we say...ahhhh, Maria is the most amazing roomie, and so is Jenny and Stefanie, they are all amazing..."s  totally getting into this blog...realizing that i am making her famous by repeating her verbatim....
beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep  the timer dings, Jenny gets her fries in the oven...fiance calls,,,,this conversation is no longer public domain....

"this is not a democratic blog, you need to blog that." s  she just wants you all to know that this might be more fiction than fact...or maybe only my facts...which maybe an edited version of what actually happened and slightly misconstrue reality....

I am actually super nervous about clinical tomorrow...always get a bit anxious...and when I am nervous...I blob...

as cute as barf...

tonight I am practising with my roomie for my other roomies wedding...we are singing, I luv you this big. Yup. American Idol, Scotty Mcreary...youtube it. The song is about the cutsiest, in-love, over the top song that pretty much makes me always think of Dallas and Jenny now...cause well, they are in-love...this big.

but to sing it has proved quite the challenge...for one,

we ain't country, we be findin our twang, we have to work that country...this big.

the other problem I have with it personally is I start singing the first line..."I know I'm still young" seriously. A 30 year old is singing that at a 21 yearr olds wedding and I just can't keep a straight face..."I know I'm still young" I can't practise without getting the giggles and then we have to have a 5 minute intermission before we can keep going with ...the rest of the song...this big.
oh, then my roomie pulls out a guitar and transposes the song so we can sing it without having to listen to the you tube version for the 100th time...all of a sudden, we decided, we (and by that I mean her, but I take some credit too cause I am, well, encouraging her while she figures out how to play the song) took a song and made it better...we are so good...this big.
now we just have to work out the kinks...oh but then we decided that we needed a spoken word version of this song...this big...basically, we rock...maybe we might even rap it...this big...

Jenny, Dallas, I just barfed alittle in my mouth...

What I have learnt from watching it's a wonderful life abijillion times...

so yeah, I over-reacted just slightly about orientation day...it was quite mundane. But still, I don't consider all those nerves a complete waste because truly, all those people who just tackle things as they come miss all that anticipation anxiety and everything just seems fine for them, just an ordinary day that they soon forget...while I know that disaster was averted and I can rejoice, that I survived to face another day.

Anyway, back to the title...I was watching the traditional Christmas fair this holiday season and all of a sudden It's a wonderful life became my favorite movie...I have seen it many times before, and the most important lesson I got out of it was that 'everytime a bell rings...' (I hope you know the rest but if you don't...this might make you watch it). Also I would give it token props cause my family loves it sooooo much but for me...give me a good cheesy Christmas musical and I am set...White Christmas usually...but no, all of a sudden I realized why It's a wonderful life is so great.

Because of George...he actually doesn't come off looking the greatest, his attitude tends towards martyrdom, he struggles with wanting so much more, but feeling like his life has already been mapped out for him, he's trapped, slightly frazzled and a bit of a workaholic he does have some good qualities though, he is capable, he is disciplined, and has a genuine empathy for those around him, and he doesn't care about money at all, even to the point of choosing an ambiguous financial future over security.
I guess I never got it till now. Because his life seemed so mundane...even to him...I kinda agreed with him, after watching it, George...why didn't you take the boat, sail away, have an adventure, do what YOU wanted to...

But after watching it this season, I realized that it takes a better person to stay, and finish someone elses dream, it takes alot more strength to say no to yourself, then simply think that your accountable to your own wishes and desires and not somehow connected to whats going on around you...that mundane, totally unidealistic reality...that you are a part of whether you like it or not.

truly I don't even want to contemplate where I am on the George scale...but he is pretty amazing, even though he could work on his attitude.

New fav line..."What are the three most wonderful sounds in the whole world?"
Uncle Billy, "Breakfast is served, lunch is served, dinner is served."