Living the dream....say what again?

So devo's today was Heb 5:8, that though Jesus is the Son of God He learned obedience thru suffering...even though He is perfect...He learned obedience thru suffering.
I think I'm slow, why haven't I caught on? I'm this perpetual little kid who thinks that someday we all get our wings...one day I won't be a worm anymore; I'll wake up a butterfly. Ever since I was a kid I've thought that if Cinderella could go from a chimney sweep to a princess someday all of us will shed our worminess and become dancing fairies of the best fairytale variety. I always wondered when things would reach their perfect balance, when prophecy and fulfillment would meet. I kinda thought it would happen in this life, you know, when i grow up.
There is enough scum in this world, my current neighborhood is a picture in contrasts. A tin shed built up against a walled compound with a mansion inside. Down the street children play with no shoes on. The local playground is the garbage dump. And when it rains the sewage infested streets become the local pool. Our landlords have been to Hawaii and California, New York and Calgary even; but they never walk outside their gate...otherwise they would be recognized and then become targets.
So as a kid I knew that when I grew up if I did the right thing I would always know that certain satisfaction of ...well, of doing the right thing...right? Well I'm grown up, and I'm just a grown up worm, I am constantly confused and easily swayed, I still can't see where heaven and earth meet up. I haven't seen the suffering of the poor be eased with $ or awareness programs. Life is still this confusing mesh of people, relationships, dialog, miscommunication. And the dreams of the 'once upon a time' turning into 'happily ever after' seem pretty silly. They seem childish and out of date. Yet here I am...
I am living and breathing the smog with pregnant ladies, I am trying to communicate over skyflakes and coke. And I still look for signs of wings. As we painstakingly sign thru a homevisit and try and 'talk' about husbands and families and prayer requests with our hands, I wonder where eternity comes into all this...or if we reach out to it?!

so maybe I am asking you to bear with a childish dream, a silly old fairytale and my being here really won't change the course of humanity as we know it. Maybe I'm even making things more murky and complicated by being here and how I conduct myself. but I still think that I don't have to imagine our wings...I just have to learn to wait for them. And if all this came to nothing, and really I just wasted my whole existence searching in all the wrong places for a piece of fairytale. Well, by that time, I'd have wings and you'd have wings and we could talk about and admire them for at least a couple thousand years before you remembered to ask if i really ever did make a difference.
not that I don't want to make a difference...but i think that phrase is a little over-rated right now...I'm not an answer to anyone's life economically or spiritually, but i can be with them, i can hope for them, I can witness their worminess and we'll laugh about it. Hopefully alittle here and definately when we have our wings.

GK Chesterton

My acceptance of the universe is not optimism, it is more like patriotism. It is a matter of primary loyalty. The world is not a dorm room with a roomate we can move out on because it is miserable. It is the fortress of our family, with the flag flying on the turret, and the more miserable it is the less we should leave it. The point is not that this world is too sad to love or to glad not to love; the point is that when you do love a thing; its gladness is a reason for loving it, its sadness a reason for loving it more.

postpartums, waiting for births, and baby bathing

Waiting in between the excitment of labors and postpartum visits I entertain myself by trying new sleeping positions. I must say that this position is good for stretching the back. It is a subtle yet effective method of grabbing the couch. Contraindications for this position include having roomates with camera's. And since I'm sure they'll use this pic against me i figured i would beat them to it...
I just want to say, Kim and Alex I am sorry....so sorry. YOU are both very attractive and desirable and beautiful.

Dad

I know a superhero. He's one of those people that hides his true identity, but he really is more than he seems. He even says he doesn't like sciencefiction or comics and discourages us from watching 'mindless entertainment' but I'm beginning to realize it's only cause he doesn't want us to see the correlation between say Spiderman or Superman and himself.
He doesn't have a special outfit, any outfit will do. He's so cool he can make anylook work:)
Although he does have a special name, it's more about the role he plays in fighting for truth and honor in the world.
He can fly. He has special anti-jet lag powers...it's simple, he never sleeps anyway!
Mostly though, he's inspirational, he struggles, he lives to see not just a better world but a new one. An idealist. A dreamer. My Dad...

Dad, I probably won't remember Father's day, and might even be late with your birthday card so i thought I'd just say that your the best. I don't say it enough, so i thought if I blogged it, i can go back and reuse it;) you know, tailor it for all occasions, plus now it's out there-on the web-pretty much i could be your agent. Thanks for e-mailing this week. I was going to work in your super-communicating ability and talk about your faithful sidekick, acer emailer, but it's 4am and i am waiting for a birth. luv you my most...yang ketiga

Oh the responsibilities

I went to visit the twins yesterday. Checking their vitals and listening to breathing. Everything was like check, check, did that, yes, good...and then the umbilicus...it was healthy and dry but I think they're going to have outies! Oh no, I am responsibly for giving these boys ugly buttons! Right then I prayed over them a good future wife who would like them in spite of the button. I prayed that they wouldn't be emotionally traumatized over the outie factor growing up.
I am the one. I hope they can forgive me. Twin boys with outies, I hope that I won't be remembered as that white girl that gave Joseph and Josuah outies!

Laundry

What do you do when labor doesn't progress well and you have to transfer a patient? I do laundry. Something about the rhythm and sound of a washing machine, the wet clean feel of the clothes after ringing them out. And the wonderful smell of scented detergent making all of yesterdays...or this mornings-dirt/smells a memory. this morning I got home from our home birth that we transported and did laundry and kinda wondered why someone with a laundry fetish gets into birth. Birth is not clean or sweet smelling-especially when your in a room that fits one twin bed in it with 3 other white girls, 2 filipina's and 1 very uncomfortable laboring woman. And as your sitting there-trying to breath in a pocket of fresh air from...somewhere...you look at her laundry pile and think-I could do her laundry. There are alot of things I am learning and cannot do when it comes to birth but I can do laundry.
Kinda funny cause my roomies know me well, After the baby died at one of my births I called home for alex to bring a laundry bag to the clinic-so i could do the birth laundry...normally this would be a job left to the family of the laboring woman (in many cases the hubbie)...I didn't want the family to have to do this so I thought we would take it home and do it. Alex being very sensitive and caring thought I wanted her to BRING a bag of laundry from the house to the clinic so I could process and destress over my favorite pastime.
I am glad i have laundry, I am glad I have roomates that know I need laundry. I am glad that birth usually entails doing laundry afterwards...I think I better check on my laundry now.

Seriously

I do not like you, Mr. Mouse
I do not like you in my house
I do not like you on my floor
I do not like you...OUT that door!
I do not like you Mr. Mouse
not in my house,
not on my floor,
not with a friend
no, no i say again!
I do not like you Mr. Mouse
I want to kill you in my house
I want to kill you on my floor
I want to kill you by the door
You don't pay rent
You do not cook
Why should I let you
in too look
It is enough, you have to die!
I'm sorry if i make you cry
it's you or me in this house
death, death to mr mouse


Very sadly I have to report that there have been numerouse sightings with no recent kills...
score KTR 2-Rodents 6