This is just to say...

I hate your stupid english class
the in class essay
I got a B on
really sucks

I just wanted
to be smart
an artistic genius
but I'm not

and I feel like crying
so lame
and I'm ashamed
but your english class still sucks


this is a paraphrase on one of the poems we had to study in my english class...I got a B ( a very low B) on the in-class essay and it made me so emotional. I just wish i could burst out crying or something but I just am not that kind of person...so here I sit stewing about the fact that I just can't write...I guess alot of me wanted to surprisingly discover that I am a writer...but I am not, always have been a bit of a b student. Thank goodness for multipe choice testing...I can do that.
Oh well, on a positive note my friend shirley called-to keep me acountable about all the changes I have made (like joining a bible study and church sunday school group) as well as all the other issues I have:)...before she hung up as we were saying our goodbye's and giving our luv, she said, "at least you can say, I love you"...which was so encouraging to me. Maybe it's not that big a deal but it's a start....

# 246

a title for each post is pretty much the key in actually writing a good post...so here's to post 246...may it be a gooder...

there is a whole lot of white stuff on the ground outside...that is a whole lot of ugly I just don't want to deal with right now

I worked at safeway the past two nights...getting to know the guys that I work with alot...they are all so cute...and so young...Amir lent me a $ cause I bought my thanksgiving day dinner and he took pity on me...I only had 6 bucks....basically I really do feel abit of the cashier love coming over me again...the corny jokes...the lame produce codes...bulk carrots are 4562 and seriously people...why do you buy one carrot when you can buy a bag...for real...your killing me! Also there was an older gentlman who came thru with his cane and I asked him if he wanted to donate to breast cancer and he said yes, a dollar....so I said, well sir for 2 dollars you get 5 bonus air miles...and he laughed and said ok and then said I was as good as a used car salesman...and I laughed and told him I was hoping that was a compliment...and we both laughed and then he said, I would be very honored to buy a car from you...and it just made me smile the rest of the night...who says they would be honored about anything any more...
OH, then a lady told me I had AMAZING hair....can't you just see this lady ogling my hair...and vain little me started fliping and turning my head the rest of the shift until i realized I was giving myself a crick in the neck and I should just not be so vain...

in other news my cousins introduced me to chocolate covered jujubes...can I just say...props to Bev and Brenda these are going to get me thru the paper of death....I have officially reached 2 pages...2 more to go...psychsocial theories of lifespan development...yes, it is as stimulating as it sounds...

My bro in law Leigh called me 5 times last night just to talk to me...he actually kept calling ...I was at work so I answered when I got home and later thought, that was the nicest thing anyone could ever give me for this thanksgiving...we chatted and then i chatted with both my sisters and it was just the perfect end to a day of blowing snow storms and work....

does anyone remember in 'you've got mail' the whole Rose the cashier incident...'swipe, swipe' and 'happy thankgibbing'...it was all I could do to stop myself from turning into Rose and wish everyone a happy thanksgibbing...

I took three tests this week in school and am anxious about the results...so off I go to quench it with some chocolate jujubes...

happy thanksgibbing and may God bless us everyone... ( ok so I am jumping ahead a little...but you try looking outside my window...)

Family Reunion Pic's taken by my friend Lola

Pumpkins and Orange it's October!

Yup, donned the ole down vest and even wear gloves as I walk to work...it's getting cold out here...plus there is always midterms and papers to remind me that school is official getting crazy and I need to concentrate...or learn...or whatever it is to pull those grades in that make you say, ahhhhhh and sleep well at night....
as opposed to those other kind of grades which have you shifting uncomfortably in your desk at school and not making eye-contact with your profs...
I am taking an english course...my prof is not half as good as Mr. Lewis but she has brief glimpses of greatness...and taking this course reminds me of how much I luv words and poetry and dead weird people that make me think....
Also Dad I finished muggridge and you need to get me more...I luv this guy....mostly I am going to research william blake now...
also something ugly happened this week that almost had me worrying...almost but with my friend Lexi's bible study lesson in hand I just...fixed my gaze...I decided to look at Jesus and let the ugliness of what is happening just be ugly...it doesn't have to change, and I don't have to be outside or unconnected from it all...in fact I am not I am right in this ugliness but I can fix my gaze on who's important...Jesus...
I have now come to the personal conviction that all christians preach...sometimes not very much...but we all have to preach to ourselves to kick our own butts and sometimes it just can't help but come out on everyone around...maybe I am saying this because I come from a long line ( or should I say converging lines) of preachers...but I am sticking to this...christians are preachers...
I just needed to get that out...
I am writing thank-you's to people who helped with my whole South Africa trip...and then yesterday in chapel we had these two ladies come and sing stuff they wrote about world music and they got to south africa and I almost cried...they also sang this amazing song dedicated to the little amish girls who were killed back in 2006...
I have officially run 2 times this week and getting back into it is hard...I mean the numbers are just not as exciting as they used to be...2 miles is not the joy that 5 miles is...plus my legs hurt...oh well...I think I won't aim for running anything outside this winter but might enter another spring/summer run to have something to aim for...for some reason I tend to rely on goals that involve public accountability in order to accomplish anything...hummmmmm

God is good.

I got a job at safeway...was hired on the spot...they saw I had 6 years of cashiering experience and she was like, come back for an interview at 2pm...so thats amazing and good...now I have to be a cashier again and I guess that's good too...no it's good. seriously, I am at peace, God is good.

I joined a bible study. It makes me think...God is good.

Family Reunion

My family reunion was amazing, on Sunday we did charades and they asked me to share about South Africa and pray for the boys and girls I 'helped'...but mostly thru the whole family reunion I kept thinking that all the craziness of family and being together and not trying to get on eachothers cases or just learning to love eachother from a distance as well as loving eachother 'up in eachother's face's' ...is not something everyone gets to have...some kids are abandoned, and sometimes there are good reasons and the parents really are crushed to leave their kids but still, it's not like the kid chooses to be left or raised in an institution...she is one such girl...I couldn't communicate with her because she had a lot of special needs and you never knew how much she understood...but one thing she loves is music...and my fav memory is taking the time to be with her when the younger babies were napping, leaving the floor cleaning and bottles to be made to later and putting on the lullaby cd and just holding her and dancing around the room...watching her smile and squeal and be excited cause we were enjoying the music...we couldn't use words and she didn't do well being harrassed by the other kids but we shared a moment in eachothers day and I so wish there could have been more

Last week at this exact time I was hanging with the following peeps of mine...hey that rhymed:) Elijah would notice that!
This is me and Nanay...
Me and the 'sons of thunder' I think thats what we coined but really they are two sweeties...until they want something they can't have...but I luved watching their friendship this weekend...I love knowing that cousins are friends...
We had Opa over and he is so great about the noise and random children that will need around, over or under him ( they come from all directions in enns fam reunions)...it seems he is just the best Grandpa is the whole world...and I luv him so much...thanks for coming over and spending time with us grandpa...
Once again, these are the boys I have lived with off and on over the years...minus ELijah...but I was so shocked by them just running up to hug me and playing with me from the first moment I got there...I thought it would take all my neices and nephews a bit to warm up to me...but Nanay jumped into my arms from the porch as I was walking up the sidewalk and Sim just started talking to me in his grown up way...He freaks me out he talks so well and the processing he does...Oh no, another Enns' processer :) feels like he's soon to be an enns adult and then we'll have to talk the issues out...talk alittle longer...and talk some more...oh well, maybe he needs to be a processer to be in this family....I luv them so much

Ha Haah!

Sorry people now you have to listen:)